Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday, one that the au pairs look forward to experiencing. Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration if at all possible. Thanksgiving with an au pair offers an opportunity to consider the relevance of the history and meaning of Thanksgiving as you compare the hospitality offered by the Native Americans to the recently arrived Pilgrims and the hospitality you offer your au pair.

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and familiy, familiar places and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar. It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Her highs are higher, her lows are lower. The enormity of what she has done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits her and throws her into a self-protective mode. You can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be). In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask her if she has any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect. Talk to her about what has to be accomplished and get her involved and interested. Don’t expect her to just “know” what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed upon assignments. Make her feel a part of things. And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

For au pairs with religious beliefs different from your own, you may choose to encourage her to share the associated traditions with your family. If you are not comfortable with this aspect of cultural exchange, your au pair may need your help as well as appropriate time off to participate in her own holiday traditions with another family, with a community group or with a religious institution. Enabling her to do this is very important. Her holiday or her time to celebrate the holiday may not be the same as yours; try to take this into consideration if you can when you make her work schedule. You may find that there is no conflict in giving her time off if her traditions are different, and it can relieve a great deal of anxiety to take her preferences into consideration. If you do need your au pair to work during the holiday, please tell her way in advance so that it is not a surprise. Help her to see this as a positive aspect of the cultural exchange if she will be actively sharing in the holiday celebration.

The dynamics of established relationships and routines change during the holiday. The parents are home more, and this is unsettling to the children as well as to the au pair. Some different work expectations may be needed since the kids may prefer to hover around the parents. This can make an au pair feel unwanted and unsure of what is expected of her. The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year) may seem like craziness to the au pair. Assure her that this new set of behaviors is temporary and the household will be back to normal soon. In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help. Encourage her to roll with the punches and enjoy the craziness. Also, the quantity of gifts, food, decorations, etc., can be unfamiliar and overwhelming. Try to include the au pair in some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

The holidays are a time when au pairs want to be with their friends. Christmas Eve, in some countries, is spent with friends rather than family. New Year’s Eve in America is a very special occasion to them. Discuss your plans and expectations with each other. Be as generous with time as possible.

These are important days ahead. This is perhaps the greatest opportunity of the year to respect and learn about cultural differences, which is, indeed, one of the basic elements of the Au Pair in America program. There will be fun-filled memories. This should be a time of love and understanding.

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Holiday Tips

As we head into the Holidays, I wanted to share some information with you, regarding the Holiday season and your au pair.

As Christmas and Hanukkah approach, it is important to remember that Au Pairs may feel homesick, even if they haven’t at other times. Certain people and places are missed, and our traditions and activities seem different.

Au Pairs emotions are often close to the surface at this time and the enormity of this year away from home may hit her hard.

You can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your family activities will be; for example, when the candles are lit, the stockings hung, the tree decorated, gifts given, meals prepared and eaten, relatives arrive or when you visit family. It would be very thoughtful to ask her if she has a favorite holiday food or tradition that could be incorporated into your celebration.

Talk to your Au Pair specifically about what has to be accomplished, get her involved and interested because this will ease her homesickness. Remember, her mother has probably taken this responsibility in previous years, so don’t expect her to just know what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed-upon assignments to make her feel a part of things. Let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

Consider the dynamics of the normal relationships you have all established and how the changes in holiday routine affects them. Parents at home, relatives visiting and children off at school. Different work expectations may be needed and this should be clearly discussed.

Socially, please remember the holidays are a time when Au Pairs want and need to be with their friends. This also helps their survival mechanism when they are missing old friends back home.

New Year’s eve in America is a very special occasion to an Au Pair, so open communication is very important as you decide on New Year’s Eve plans and the time off, if any, you can offer to your Au Pair.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season and that this letter will help you enjoy the season with your Au Pair.

by Dominique Ortiz