Tag Archives: culture shock

Top 5 Tips for Overcoming Homesickness

Almost everyone experiences culture shock when they come to a completely new environment. Everything is different: the language, the food, and the people.

When everything feels so unfamiliar, it is natural to long for the security of home. However, you don’t want to let that feeling of longing for home, make you too sad or prevent you from finding happiness in your new home.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for Dealing with Homesickness

1. Make Friends – Don’t wait for other au pairs to reach out to you, reach out to them. There are other lots of new au pairs who are feeling the same way you are right now. Set a goal to reach out to a few of them each day. Some will respond and some will not. Don’t let that discourage you. No one will ever be mad at you for sending them a message to say hello or ask if they want to do something together. Make friends from various countries and you will also get a chance to practice your English skills together.

2. Stay in touch with your home country, but not too much. Skyping or talking on the phone every day with your family and/or friends back home often makes homesickness worse. Try texting instead and reduce the Skype and phone calls to once a week, until you feel stronger. It’s much harder seeing the faces and hearing the voices of those you miss.

3. Get out of the house (or your room specifically) – Go to cluster meetings, have coffee or go to movies with other au pairs, join a gym, go to the library, go for a walk, visit the mall, get a manicure, visit a museum. If someone invites you out, say “yes.” Also, don’t be afraid to do the inviting. If your host family invites you to do things with them, say “yes.” This will help you get to know each other and contribute to your overall happiness.

4. Realize that it definitely gets better – All au pairs experience homesickness and nearly all of them stay and have a successful year (some stay for two years). So, it must get better, right? Once you get past the initial homesickness, most au pairs report how quickly the year goes by.

5. Make Plans – Create your own Au Pair Bucket List (places you want to go, new foods to try, new things to experience during your year in the U.S.) and start doing them now. Post on our cluster group to find others who may want to join you on your adventures.

Photo by: Hernán Piñera (Flickr)

Avoiding Homesickness this Holiday Season

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and family, familiar places and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar. 

It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Her highs are higher, her lows are lower. The enormity of what she has done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits her and throws her into a self-protective mode.

Host parents can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be.) In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask her if she has any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect. Talk to her about what has to be accomplished and get her involved and interested. Don’t expect her to just “know” what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed upon assignments. Make her feel a part of things. And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

Photo: Sheila Sund (Flickr)

Understanding Culture Shock

Understanding that your newly arrived au pair will most likely experience some level of culture shock is important.  Almost everyone experiences culture shock when they come to a completely new environment. Everything is different: the language, the food, the plumbing, the people.

The experience of culture shock comes from not knowing what to do or how to do things in a new environment, and not knowing what is appropriate or inappropriate.

One of the most difficult parts of experiencing culture shock is that we often are unaware that we’re affected. We recognize that we are sad, lonely, and generally irritated that everything is going wrong, but we don’t know that it is a normal reaction to being immersed in a new culture. The feeling of culture shock generally sets in after the first few weeks of coming to a new place.

Some telltale signs of culture shock are:

  • Preoccupation with minor physical discomforts
  • Anger over minor frustrations
  • Disturbed sleep patterns – too much or too little
  • Changes in mood or behavior such as anger, irritability, resentment, or a persistent preference to be alone
  • Idealizing your home country
  • Inability to solve simple problems
  • Lack of confidence
  • Feelings of being lost, overlooked, exploited or abused

Immunity to culture shock does not necessarily come from being open-minded or full of good will (essential characteristics for a successful au pair), though these qualities do help with a speedy recovery. Some people are affected by culture shock more than others, but most au pairs go through an attack of it and then make a full recovery.

Although one can experience discomfort from culture shock, it is also an opportunity for learning and acquiring new perspectives. Culture shock can help develop a greater understanding of self.

There are things you can do to help your au pair work through feelings of Culture Shock and Homesickness.

Talk to your au pair.  It is ok to ask if they are homesick or have any of the feelings listed above.

Encourage your au pair to:

  • Take a class, develop a hobby.
  • Be patient, becoming accustomed to the US will take time.
  • Include a regular form of physical activity in your routine. Exercise such as taking a walk, going for a swim or enrolling in a yoga or aerobics class will all help.
  • Relaxation and meditation are proven to be very positive for people who are passing through periods of stress.
  • Maintain contact with people from her own country. This will give your au pair a feeling of belonging, and you will reduce your feelings of loneliness and alienation.
  • Seek out opportunities to interact with Americans. This will help your au pair  to learn English more quickly and adjust to cultural differences more easily.
  • Volunteer in community activities. This helps your au pair stress less about language and is useful at the same time.
  • Spend time with au pairs from other countries. This will give a more global view of the world, find out how others are experiencing being in the U.S., and put cultural differences into perspective.

Host families should include au pairs in their holiday traditions and let their au pair know they appreciate them being part of the family.  A pat on the back can also go a long way when someone is experiencing bouts of culture shock.

by Jean Quinn