Resources

Education Options SC County and Bay Area

You must take 6 credits for the year (between 72-80 hours of class time). These hours can be completed in any combination of courses. No Online or Blended learning classes.  Only ONE weekend course is allowed for au pairs with a local educational option.   The courses do not need to be academic, for example you could take dance or art classes. They DO have to be from an accredited institution. Check the database below if you are unsure about your school’s accreditation:

Important Documents

Au Pair Tax Information

Tax and Worker’s Compensation Q & A

The following information has been prepared to answer questions most frequently asked by host families concerning tax issues and hosting an au pair.

Q. Is withholding of Social Security tax required on the weekly stipend paid to each au pair?

A. No. The Internal Revenue Code states “Services performed by a non-resident-alien while temporarily in the United States as a non-resident under subparagraph (J) of Section 101(a)(15) of the Immigration and Nationality Act are excluded from coverage under the Social Security Program if the services are performed to carry out the purpose for which the non-resident alien was admitted to the United States.”

Q. Are the payments to the au pairs taxable to them and is Federal withholding required?

A. While the weekly wages given to the au pair is not subject to Social Security and Medicare taxes, it is taxable to the au pair as wages.

Because the maximum tax burden for most au pairs will be less than $1,000, there is no need for the au pair to make quarterly estimated payments. Federal withholding is not required unless the “employee” (au pair) asks the “employer” (host family) to withhold Federal income tax and the “employer” agrees to do so.

Q. Does my family need to issue a W-2 form to our au pair?

A. No. Because au pair wages are paid for domestic service in a private home, they are not subject to mandatory U.S. income tax withholding and reporting on Forms 941 (PDF) and W-2. However, au pair wages are includible in the gross income of the recipients, and au pairs are required to file U.S. individual income tax returns.

Q. Does the weekly stipend payment to each au pair represent a qualifying child-care expense to the host family?

A. Au Pair in America believes that it does; however, a host family is advised to verify their particular situation with their tax advisor. To claim the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit for the au pair stipend, the host family will need to provide the au pair’s social security number.

Q. Does the fee paid by the host family to Au Pair in America qualify as a child-care expense?

A. Au Pair in America advises Host Families to discuss this issue with their tax advisor and obtain an opinion.

Q. What is Au Pair in America’s tax ID number?

A. The tax ID number is 31-0683821.

Q. Is Schedule H (Form 1040) required to be filed by the host family?

A. Since payments to the au pair are not considered wages for the purpose of Social Security Taxes, Medicare Taxes or Federal Unemployment Taxes, and since the host family is not required to withhold Federal Income Tax, Schedule H is not required to be filed.

Q. What effect do the IRS reporting requirements have on the Au Pair program?

A. Host Families who wish to take the child care credit on their Federal Income Tax Return or obtain reimbursement from an employer-sponsored, flexible spending account for the weekly pocket money paid to the au pair must have a Social Security number for their au pair.

Q. How can my au pair obtain a Social Security card?

A. Your au pair may apply at your local social security office for a “work only with DHS authorization” social security card. The purpose of this card is for employment authorization under the terms of the au pair regulations. Your au pair can apply for her social security card four days after arriving in the United States.

To obtain the social security card, your au pair will need a valid passport containing her J-1 visa. She will need to bring her I-94 card print-out, which she can access from www.cbp.gov/I94. She will also need her DS-2019 form and proof of identification that is at least one year old (passport or driver’s license). If your au pair does not have an identification that is at least one year old, a certified copy of her birth certificate will suffice.

If there is a discrepancy with information, the social security office may deny the au pair a social security card and would request a manual verification of data, which would take additional time. If the social security office says that they cannot issue a social security card and returns the application and documents, please call Evelyn Blum at Au Pair in America, (800) 928 -7247, ext. 5027, or email eblum@aifs.com for further assistance.

Q. What is the I-9 form and why is it important?

A. The Department of State requires that all host families participating in an authorized au pair program complete and retain the I-9 “Employment Eligibility Verification” form issued by the Department of Justice, Immigration and Naturalization Services for each au pair. You may request a copy of this form by calling your community counselor.

Q. Is there an IRS website that gives specific details on taxes for au pairs?

A. The following is an IRS website that many host families find useful. Au Pair in
America is not responsible for its contents.
http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Au-Pairs

Q. Am I required to purchase Worker’s Compensation Insurance for my au pair?

A. This depends on the laws of your state. You should pose this question to your insurance advisor and/or attorney. The program regulations of Au Pair in America do not require this coverage. Some states exempt child care providers from the requirement of Worker’s Compensation coverage. Other states require coverage if quarterly earnings exceed a certain amount.

Finally, as noted above, all these issues should be discussed with and confirmed by a host family’s tax advisor.

 Health/Driving Resources

Local Volunteering

Travel links for Au Pairs

Links Relating to Positive Discipline

Resources for Current Host Families

  • ABCs of a Successful Year

ALCOHOL – Explain laws regarding alcohol, i.e., underage drinking and drinking while driving. Generally, the drinking age in other countries is younger than it is in the United States.

APPLIANCES – Review directions for all your household appliances. Some, like garbage disposers, are not common in other countries. Offer the use of the washer and dryer right away, as many au pairs arrive with a limited wardrobe and have had no chance to do laundry at orientation.

BATHROOM – If the au pair is sharing a bathroom with family members, discuss scheduling, reasonable length of use, and housekeeping responsibilities.

CALENDAR – Explain the importance of entering classes, meetings, and social activities on the family calendar. Discuss what is acceptable notice for a calendar change.

CAR – If the au pair is allowed to drive, set guidelines on when and where. Explain seatbelt and car seat laws, what to do in an emergency, what to do in case of an accident, and who is responsible for the insurance deductible (and the amount) if there is a claim. Host families are responsible for providing transportation to and from classes and au pair meetings.

CONTRACT – Please abide by the host family contract. Do not ask the au pair to work more than 45 hours per week or more than 10 hours a day – even for compensation. All duties must be child care related. The one weekend off per month begins on Friday evening and ends on Monday morning.

CLASSES and CLUSTER MEETINGS – Au pairs are expected to attend cluster meetings and attend college classes. Ask the au pair to enter the date of her next meeting on the calendar and to check her class schedule with you before registering. Au pairs should not be scheduled to work at a time that would conflict with a meeting or a class

CURFEW – Most au pairs have not had a curfew at home. Allowing your au pair responsible freedom helps to build a relationship of trust.

DISASTERS – Review emergency procedures in case of fire or tornado and storm warnings.

EXERCISE – Encourage physical activity. Hanging around the house can lead to lethargy and depression, particularly during the winter. Membership at a Y or health club should be encouraged.

FOOD – Where in the house may food be taken? What are the house rules on meals and snacking

GUESTS – Set guidelines on entertaining guests, including overseas guests, in the home.

HOUSEWORK – What is the au pair expected to do? All housework should be child care related. Be specific about your expectations. Make sure she knows what to do in case of a cleaning “emergency” – child wets bed, dog gets sick, grape juice is spilled, etc.

INJURIES – Minor cuts and bruises are a standard part of childhood. Be sure the au pair knows where you keep your first aid supplies. Encourage her to take a Red Cross first aid class with an Au Pair in America scholarship.

JUNK FOOD – Be clear about what your children may and may not be fed. Indulging in junk food is not good for the au pair either

KITCHEN – Discuss expectations for keeping the kitchen neat and clean. Again, be specific about such things as wiping off the counters, cleaning up crumbs from under the table, etc

LAUNDRY – Give detailed instructions about sorting, emptying the lint trap, etc

MEDICAL RELEASE – Make sure that the children’s doctors know that you have an au pair. Have a medical release on hand in case of an emergency.

MONEY – Set a weekly payday. Help her open a bank account.

NEIGHBORS – Give your au pair a summary of the neighborhood, including introductions to the nearest neighbors and where to go for help or a spare key.

ORIENTATION – Allow three days to settle in before leaving your au pair alone with the children. Use the first week to orient your au pair to her new city. Show her around as you would any newcomer or guest. Point out places that she will want to visit, such as cinemas, shopping areas and especially the post office.

PRIVACY – It is important not only that the au pair and host parents honor each other’s privacy, but also that the children are taught never to enter the au pair’s room without permission.

QUESTIONS – Give her the opportunity to ask questions. Sometimes au pairs are reticent about approaching host parents. Arrange several times in the first few weeks to meet with your au pair without the kids around. A weekly meeting throughout the year can be very beneficial to the host family-au pair relationship.

RECREATION – Keep in mind that both the au pair and the kids need to have fun. Leave time in the daily schedule for play.

SAFETY – Discuss safety procedures for the children and childproofing devices. Explain 911. Be clear about your rules regarding locking windows and doors, car doors, and opening the door to strangers.

SCHEDULE – Inform your au pair of the weekly schedule in advance so she can make plans for her free time. Scheduling day to day leads to uncertainty and frustration.

SCHOOL – Make sure your children’s schools know the name of your au pair and whether they may release your child to the au pair in case of sickness or an emergency.

TELEPHONE – What are the rules on telephone use during work-time? What about long distance? Check with your long distance service about the most economical way of calling overseas, and then explain the details to your au pair. Or you may prefer that she use a pre-paid phone card. Explain call waiting, voice mail, and answering machines.

TELEVISION – Set limits on how much and what may be watched. (This includes watching MTV while children are present.

THANKS – Everyone needs to feel appreciated. Please notice and comment on the good job your au pair is doing. You may think it is just part of her job, but the au pair will need it to be noticed

UNDERSTANDING – Understand that the au pair may be dealing with both a language and culture barrier at first. Be patient!

VACATION – Discuss the best times for the au pair to take her two weeks of paid vacation. The final decision must be agreed upon mutually.

WINDOWS – Discuss opening windows with the au pair – air conditioning is not as common in Europe.

X-RATED – Attitudes regarding sex might be different in the au pair’s country. The au pair may, on the other hand, be shocked at the violence in our media. Set guidelines regarding your children’s entertainment.

YOUTH – Remember that your au pair is a young adult. She is still growing and learning just as we all did at that age. She will make mistakes. Please treat her as you would want your own child to be treated.

ZZZZZs – Remind the au pair of the importance of getting enough sleep. Kids move fast. Au pairs must be alert!

  • Be Ready for an Emergency

    Illness, accidents or medical emergencies:

    As a host family, you should handle your au pair’s illnesses, accidents or medical emergencies in the same way that you would for any family member. If serious, please notify your local communication counselor. Since au pairs are adults, they may sign any consent form required. If your au pair is not able to sign a consent form, the program has a signed release on file for treatment (included as part of the agreement signed by the au pair at the time of her application to the program). In such a situation it would be appropriate to call the 24 hour emergency service at 1-800-928-7247.

    Your au pair may need to secure emergency medical care for your child(ren) in your absence. Instruct your au pair on the procedures to follow in case of a medical emergency involving your child(ren).

    Do have a  medical authorization form and keep it in an easy place to remember. Instruct your au pair to bring this form with her in a medical emergency.

    Household emergencies:

    As an au pair takes on responsibility in your household, she is caring for your child(ren) but also assumes some responsibility for your home and your car. To help her be prepared if something unusual happens, be sure you give her a complete tour of the house, including the circuit board and main water shut-off. Provide her with a complete list of phone numbers and other information she might need.

    Car accidents:

    Car accidents can be disorienting. Make sure that your au pair knows where to find the registration and insurance information for the car she is driving. Tell her that in the event of an accident, she must gather information from the other driver so that a complete report can be made to the police and insurance company.

  •  Phone Use

    When you welcome a new au pair to your home, establishing acceptable phone usage is one of the many facets of orientation. Consider the following:

    Is there a particular way in which you want the phone to be answered?
    Do you have call waiting or other phone services? Au pairs are unlikely to be familiar with these services.
    Do you have an answering device or service? Be sure to show the au pair how to use it.
    Agree on a place to leave phone messages for each other so that the messages are not lost.
    Establish hours when it is acceptable for the au pair to make out-going social calls – possibly not during work hours.
    Consider the time difference between your home and hers. At what hours is it acceptable for her to receive calls?
    Consider a separate phone number for the au pair. In many areas it is possible to add a number without having another line for just a few dollars a month. This second number has a distinctive ring so it is clear who the phone call is for.
    Some families find it necessary to put an international block on the phone to control the cost of long distance charges to their phone bill.
    Phone bills can be a source of friction between host families and au pairs. International calling can be extremely expensive without a special international calling plan. Some au pairs are not familiar with itemized phone charges and can unwittingly run up large bills, creating budgetary problems for themselves. Homesick au pairs in particular are likely to reach for the phone for the apparent comfort of a familiar voice.

    Encouraging the use of a pre-paid calling card can reduce the risk to the family of large phone bills while ensuring that au pairs remain within their own budgets. Host families may also find it helpful to use calling cards during the matching process to control and monitor the cost of the overseas calls.

    Au Pair in America recommends Ekit www.aupairinamerica.ekit.com to help reduce and control long distance calling charges. Au Pair in America is promoting Ekit cards to au pairs by enabling them to purchase phone cards pre-arrival, at orientation, or on-line by going to Au Pair in America’s website, www.aupairinamerica.com, under Au Pair Community, then Life in the US. Creating the expectation that au pairs will use calling cards rather than the host family’s phone company can eliminate potential problems over the phone bill.

  • Vacations

    Your au pair or EduCare companion is entitled to a minimum of two weeks off with full weekly stipend during her twelve-month stay. An extension au pair/companion is entitled to an additional two weeks of vacation for an extension period between nine to twelve months or one week for an extension period of six months.

    When making your plans, please consider the following:

    The vacation should be scheduled at a time that is mutually convenient to both the host family and the au pair.
    Conversation about vacation planning should begin early in the year.
    It is recommended that an au pair take one week of vacation in her first six months and the second week in the last half of the year.
    Vacation should not be scheduled in the first month after her arrival, as this is a time for both parties to develop a relationship and get acclimated.
    If the vacation is to be broken into daily segments, the au pair should receive a day off for each day in her standard work week. In addition, she would still receive her weekly free time and one complete weekend off each month. Both parties should agree upon the specific arrangement in advance.
    If your au pair travels with your family as part of her child care responsibilities, it is strongly recommended that a schedule be discussed in advance. Think about how you will divide child care responsibilities between you and the au pair. Remember that the au pair may need orienting to a new setting and that you are responsible for all of her meals while she is traveling with you.
    If you and your au pair will be traveling together, please leave a phone number with your Community Counselor where your au pair can be reached in case of emergency.

  • Who is in charge?

Au pairs and host parents are most often together with the children at the most stressful times of the day. In the morning everyone is hurriedly getting ready to start his or her day. At the end of the day children are tired, and they may be hungry and cranky as well. The parents have often had a stressful day, and the au pair is ready for her leisure time. When one or both of the host parents are home with the au pair, how do the children know who is in charge, and who is responsible for what?

Laying the groundwork for successful cooperation begins when an au pair first arrives. She needs time to be with the children when the parents can observe her as she interacts with them, but she also needs time alone with them so that she can build her own special relationship and establish routines and expectations.

Getting through the stressful times of the day is best done with a consistent approach. Planning ahead about division of labor and delegation of responsibility, as well as developing routines that both the au pair and the parents will adhere to, is essential. This sends the message to the children that they will get the same answer no matter whom they ask, that they need only ask once, and that fussing about the answer will not accomplish change. This consistency requires good communication between the parents and the au pair. It also means that the parents need to back up the au pair’s decisions, and discuss it later if the parents would like a situation handled differently in the future. An au pair should ask for clarification of any situations she feels might be confusing to the children.

When an au pair and a parent work side by side during the day, it creates a wonderful opportunity to divide and conquer the workload. If au pairs would like to be able to make decisions and plans even if a parent is at home, this is something that should be discussed in advance whenever possible. The amount of direction a parent needs or wants to give an au pair will vary by family, by au pair, and also by how long the au pair has been with the family.

A particularly challenging time of day is when the transition is made from parent to au pair or from au pair to parent. Focusing the transition on a particular activity and consistently following that procedure may ease the confusion for the children. For example, Mommy will help you get dressed; then you will go downstairs and the au pair will give you breakfast while Mommy gets ready for her day; or the au pair will give you a bath, and when you are done, she will say goodnight and Daddy will read you a story before bed.

The children will benefit when the au pairs and parents remember to work cooperatively, keep communication open and exercise authority when necessary.

Transitioning to a New Au Pair

As your au pair’s departure date approaches, her departure will affect you and her, as well as the children. There may be many different reactions to the au pair’s departure. You may see (or experience) tears, hostility or withdrawal. Remember that although it is important to talk about feelings, it may be difficult for young children to express feelings of loss, disappointment or betrayal. Therefore, children may act out their feelings instead (this can also be useful and appropriate). Any member of the household may feel angry, abandoned, sad or depressed. One common response to these feelings is to start to distance oneself. This helps some people to say good-bye, but may be confusing to other parties involved.

Here are some things to think about which might help everyone in your household prepare for your au pair’s departure:

Young children perceive time differently than adults. Therefore, your preparation for the departure should not begin too far in advance.
As the departure date nears, please start to talk with your children about her departure. When possible, it is helpful to link the departure date to some other event (when school is over, soon after vacation, etc.).
It would also be desirable for your au pair herself to mention to the children that she will be leaving. Encourage her to do so.
If you have not already discussed world geography with your child, this would be a good time to do so. Point out on a globe where you live and where your au pair is going. Discuss the distance and the travel time involved. Be clear that the au pair is going home to her family.
Discuss the possibility of staying in touch with letters, e-mail, or even pictures if your child does not write. Be sure you have the au pair’s address, and make plans to write.
It is often helpful (and fun) to create a small photo album for your children to look at. After your au pair leaves this can hold important memories for them.
If you are having another au pair arrive, discuss the arrival plans with your child. Be sensitive to the possibility that your current au pair might feel badly about being “replaced” in your children’s hearts.
Make sure there is an opportunity to say good-bye. Make it clear when it will be the last time your children will be seeing the au pair.
If a change in routine is anticipated, try to put it in place before the new au pair arrives if possible.
A departing au pair might want to leave a welcoming note to the next au pair along with any useful tips or information that she knows would be helpful. This could help her to feel valued by you.
As concerned parents, we often might want to protect our children from life’s bumps and bruises. However, learning to deal with loss is an important life lesson that can be understood by even young children. It is important to know that someone can care about you and still leave. With support from the family and the au pair, children can feel safe and secure while accepting the au pair’s departure. Children are often more resilient than we give them credit for, and they are also often a reflection of their parents’ feelings.

Overlapping Au Pairs

As your au pair’s departure date approaches, her departure will affect you and her, as well as the children. There may be many different reactions to the au pair’s departure. You may see (or experience) tears, hostility or withdrawal. Remember that although it is important to talk about feelings, it may be difficult for young children to express feelings of loss, disappointment or betrayal. Therefore, children may act out their feelings instead (this can also be useful and appropriate). Any member of the household may feel angry, abandoned, sad or depressed. One common response to these feelings is to start to distance oneself. This helps some people to say good-bye, but may be confusing to other parties involved.

Here are some things to think about which might help everyone in your household prepare for your au pair’s departure:

Young children perceive time differently than adults. Therefore, your preparation for the departure should not begin too far in advance.
As the departure date nears, please start to talk with your children about her departure. When possible, it is helpful to link the departure date to some other event (when school is over, soon after vacation, etc.).
It would also be desirable for your au pair herself to mention to the children that she will be leaving. Encourage her to do so.
If you have not already discussed world geography with your child, this would be a good time to do so. Point out on a globe where you live and where your au pair is going. Discuss the distance and the travel time involved. Be clear that the au pair is going home to her family.
Discuss the possibility of staying in touch with letters, e-mail, or even pictures if your child does not write. Be sure you have the au pair’s address, and make plans to write.
It is often helpful (and fun) to create a small photo album for your children to look at. After your au pair leaves this can hold important memories for them.
If you are having another au pair arrive, discuss the arrival plans with your child. Be sensitive to the possibility that your current au pair might feel badly about being “replaced” in your children’s hearts.
Make sure there is an opportunity to say good-bye. Make it clear when it will be the last time your children will be seeing the au pair.
If a change in routine is anticipated, try to put it in place before the new au pair arrives if possible.
A departing au pair might want to leave a welcoming note to the next au pair along with any useful tips or information that she knows would be helpful. This could help her to feel valued by you.
As concerned parents, we often might want to protect our children from life’s bumps and bruises. However, learning to deal with loss is an important life lesson that can be understood by even young children. It is important to know that someone can care about you and still leave. With support from the family and the au pair, children can feel safe and secure while accepting the au pair’s departure. Children are often more resilient than we give them credit for, and they are also often a reflection of their parents’ feelings.

Welcoming your Au Pair

Orienting an Au Pair to Your Home

The first three days an au pair is in your home is time for her to get settled and start to learn about your family, your home and your community. Here is a list of reminders to make those first few days smooth and productive.

Does the au pair have what she needs in her room?
Adequate storage space for her clothes and personal items
Adequate light to read and work by
An alarm clock so that she will be on time for work
Privacy
A way to personalize the room
Make time to review the child care questionnaire with your au pair.
Tell the au pair about favorite toys, food and activities
Describe your expectations of the care the children will receive
Write down the daily routine and au pair’s schedule
Explain your preferred method of discipline
Lay the groundwork for mutual respect and clear communication
Take time to get to know your au pair and ask her about her country
Discuss family customs, traditions and unwritten rules
Remember that you are a role model for how she relates to and supervises the children
Give the au pair emergency contact information and a signed emergency medical authorization
Review important safety measures
Give the au pair a thorough tour of the house with instructions on how to use all appliances
Provide a clear description of what you expect in terms of child-related household chores
Show the au pair around the neighborhood
Establish a day that you will pay her and times when you can sit down and talk
Take the au pair out for a test drive and point out local traffic control signage
Discuss your expectations regarding long distance calling and computer use
Express support for the au pair’s participation in Au Pair in America events and activities
Discuss convenient times for the au pair to attend classes
Establish your expectations regarding visitors and overnight guests to your home

Cultural Exchange

Encouraging Cultural Exchange

Your au pair has chosen to spend a year of her life living far from friends and family. There are many motivating reasons for this decision, not the least of which is to learn more about life in the United States. You have chosen Au Pair in America as a child care solution. The cultural exchange component of the program can be educational, enriching and rewarding for your family.

Here are some ideas for maximizing the benefits of cultural exchange:

When an au pair arrives, she probably has brought pictures from home. Ask to see the pictures, and ask her about her family, her home town, her country.
Share information about your family, your occupation, your community.
Ask the au pair what she likes to eat. If her preferred foods are available locally, buy them and taste them. If she likes to cook, invite her to make foods from home to share with the family. Start a cookbook with international favorites. Offer her some American recipes to take home.
Show the au pair your children’s favorite storybooks and teach her nursery rhymes and songs that might be part of their everyday routine.
Encourage your au pair to teach the children songs, games and phrases from her country.
Have local maps and tourist information available to the au pair. Help her to plan her vacation time to see other parts of the United States.
Ask the au pair to show you and the children where she lives on a map or on a globe.
Encourage your au pair to visit the children’s school to share information about her country. Most teachers would embrace this opportunity.
In the United States we celebrate holidays that are either unique to this country, or are unique in how they are celebrated. Share your celebrations and give the au pair the opportunity to experience our holidays.
Your au pair may be of a different religion than you, but even if she isn’t, her holiday customs may be different. Find out what they are, enable her to share them with you, and accommodate her whenever you can in her own celebration.
Explain customs and habits to your au pair that may seem routine to you but might be different for her. Don’t assume that she will know how we do things or understand what we do.
Encourage the au pair to tell you what seems strange to her. Encourage her to ask you questions about how we do things in the U.S.
Include her as part of the family’s activities but accept when she wants to go out on her own.
Investing time and energy in cultural exchange may someday culminate in a memorable trip to visit the au pair in her own country.

Cultural Shock

From the moment that the au pair arrives in the United States, she will be faced with the enormous challenge of figuring out how to live with Americans in a country that may be very unfamiliar to her. The adjustment tools that she has used in the past may no longer work for her now because her surroundings are so different, and the “ground rules” have suddenly changed. While some au pairs adjust quickly, most au pairs go through a noticeable period of frustration, confusion and feelings of homesickness.

The symptoms of culture shock include difficulty sleeping, mental fatigue, preoccupation with minor discomforts, a delay or refusal to learn English, feelings of hopelessness, or a desire to go home. Complaints about the host family, America, and Americans often dominate conversations of au pairs going through the worst phase of culture shock. It normally occurs several weeks after the au pair’s arrival, when the initial excitement has worn off, and she realizes that she will have to deal with the new environment for a long time to come. Recognizing these symptoms for what they are will reduce the problems they cause for the au pair and the disruption to the family.

As the initial stage of culture shock passes, the au pair begins to adjust to life in the U.S. Her language ability will gradually improve, and she will be able to better communicate basic ideas and feelings.

Holiday Seasons

The winter holiday season is most often a time of joy and excitement. However, it can also be a time of stress and disappointment for both host families and au pairs. Here are some ideas and insights that will hopefully broaden an understanding of the complexities of the season with different nationalities and perhaps different religions sharing the season under one roof.

Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday, one that the au pairs look forward to experiencing. Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration if at all possible. Thanksgiving with an au pair offers an opportunity to consider the relevance of the history and meaning of Thanksgiving as you compare the hospitality offered by the Native Americans to the recently arrived Pilgrims and the hospitality you offer your au pair.

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and familiy, familiar places and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar. It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Her highs are higher, her lows are lower. The enormity of what she has done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits her and throws her into a self-protective mode. You can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be). In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask her if she has any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect. Talk to her about what has to be accomplished and get her involved and interested. Don’t expect her to just “know” what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed upon assignments. Make her feel a part of things. And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

For au pairs with religious beliefs different from your own, you may choose to encourage her to share the associated traditions with your family. If you are not comfortable with this aspect of cultural exchange, your au pair may need your help as well as appropriate time off to participate in her own holiday traditions with another family, with a community group or with a religious institution. Enabling her to do this is very important. Her holiday or her time to celebrate the holiday may not be the same as yours; try to take this into consideration if you can when you make her work schedule. You may find that there is no conflict in giving her time off if her traditions are different, and it can relieve a great deal of anxiety to take her preferences into consideration. If you do need your au pair to work during the holiday, please tell her way in advance so that it is not a surprise. Help her to see this as a positive aspect of the cultural exchange if she will be actively sharing in the holiday celebration.

The dynamics of established relationships and routines change during the holiday. The parents are home more, and this is unsettling to the children as well as to the au pair. Some different work expectations may be needed since the kids may prefer to hover around the parents. This can make an au pair feel unwanted and unsure of what is expected of her. The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year) may seem like craziness to the au pair. Assure her that this new set of behaviors is temporary and the household will be back to normal soon. In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help. Encourage her to roll with the punches and enjoy the craziness. Also, the quantity of gifts, food, decorations, etc., can be unfamiliar and overwhelming. Try to include the au pair in some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

The holidays are a time when au pairs want to be with their friends. Christmas Eve, in some countries, is spent with friends rather than family. New Year’s Eve in America is a very special occasion to them. Discuss your plans and expectations with each other. Be as generous with time as possible.

These are important days ahead. This is perhaps the greatest opportunity of the year to respect and learn about cultural differences, which is, indeed, one of the basic elements of the Au Pair in America program. There will be fun-filled memories. This should be a time of love and understanding. Please do your part to make that happen.

Wishing you all every happiness of the season!

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