We’ve all been there. Someone we know, whether it is a child or another adult, says “thank you”, or “I’m sorry”, or “It was an accident”, or “this is the best gift ever”,  but their body language is not quite lining up with their words. This can leave us questioning the authenticity behind their communication and can often lead to misperceptions, misunderstandings, and inevitably hurt feelings.  Non-verbal language is just as important as the words themselves. This is key for all of us be aware of and practice in everyday life. Let’s walk through owning our mistakes through a sincere apology, offering a genuine thank you, and lastly being an engaged listener.These are tools to practice throughout your life. Self awareness is important in all of our day to day interactions.

Apologizing

We all make mistakes. We are human, and almost always, we can turn our mistakes into a moment of learning or perhaps a life lesson. Sometimes our mistakes are as simple as spilling a glass of milk or oversleeping after hitting the snooze button one too many times. Other times, mistakes are not always that glaringly obvious until they’ve been pointed out by those around us. These are almost always uncomfortable moments.  One way to take the discomfort out of the equation quickly is to own up to your mistake the moment you realize it.

There are simple steps to doing this.  The first step is admitting it out loud, the second is apologizing for it, and the third is explaining the reasoning behind what happened. However, let’s imagine for a moment that you do all of these things, yet you’re not making eye contact, you’re mumbling, and your arms are crossed with your body turned away from the person you’re speaking with. Do you think the apology has been effective?  The short answer is no. Why? Because you’ve said the words, but your non-verbal queues are negating what you truly mean. The non-verbals have to match your words, otherwise, they may mean nothing at all. While walking through the steps above, make sure you’re looking at the person, your stance is open, and your voice is projecting clearly.

Giving Thanks

Showing sincere gratitude when someone does something nice for us is always an important part of interacting as well. Make eye contact, smile, speak clearly, and express your appreciation. When someone does something kind or nice for us, we often want them to know how much it means. If we’re saying “thank you” but looking down or whispering it, it may feel like we mean just the opposite! We don’t want someone misinterpreting our appreciation for something else due to mismatched body language.

Engaged Listening

Paying attention and active listening is also a key part of all interactions both personally and professionally. Nodding and eye-contact is extremely important. Think of a time when you have been one on one with a friend, a colleague, a co-worker, or a child having a conversation, and they have looked away from you, looked down, or they’ve picked up their cell phone. This doesn’t make anyone feel particularly good. Knowing that this doesn’t make one feel like they are being listened to, be sure to give the person you’re speaking with your attention and actively engage by nodding, chiming in, sitting upright (not slouching), and again making eye contact.

The Most Important Non-Verbal Queue

Remember the best rule of thumb is good eye-contact. This ensures you’re engaged, you mean what you are saying, and you are being truthful. This is key for first impressions, communicating with a child/employee/colleague, and being a good friend/partner.

Check in with Your Body

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to apologize, express appreciation, or need to be an active listener, have a checklist in your mind about your body language. Do a body scan while you’re talking. Ask yourself- am I making good eye contact? Are my arms crossed in front of my body or am I open? Am I slouched over or standing/sitting upright? How is my voice projection: am I whispering or am I speaking clearly? The more you’re aware of your body language, the more confident you will feel in your interactions. Your communication will be clear and misperceptions will fall to the wayside.