Tag Archives: homesickness

Top 5 Tips for Overcoming Homesickness

Almost everyone experiences culture shock when they come to a completely new environment. Everything is different: the language, the food, and the people.

When everything feels so unfamiliar, it is natural to long for the security of home. However, you don’t want to let that feeling of longing for home, make you too sad or prevent you from finding happiness in your new home.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for Dealing with Homesickness

1. Make Friends – Don’t wait for other au pairs to reach out to you, reach out to them. There are other lots of new au pairs who are feeling the same way you are right now. Set a goal to reach out to a few of them each day. Some will respond and some will not. Don’t let that discourage you. No one will ever be mad at you for sending them a message to say hello or ask if they want to do something together. Make friends from various countries and you will also get a chance to practice your English skills together.

2. Stay in touch with your home country, but not too much. Skyping or talking on the phone every day with your family and/or friends back home often makes homesickness worse. Try texting instead and reduce the Skype and phone calls to once a week, until you feel stronger. It’s much harder seeing the faces and hearing the voices of those you miss.

3. Get out of the house (or your room specifically) – Go to cluster meetings, have coffee or go to movies with other au pairs, join a gym, go to the library, go for a walk, visit the mall, get a manicure, visit a museum. If someone invites you out, say “yes.” Also, don’t be afraid to do the inviting. If your host family invites you to do things with them, say “yes.” This will help you get to know each other and contribute to your overall happiness.

4. Realize that it definitely gets better – All au pairs experience homesickness and nearly all of them stay and have a successful year (some stay for two years). So, it must get better, right? Once you get past the initial homesickness, most au pairs report how quickly the year goes by.

5. Make Plans – Create your own Au Pair Bucket List (places you want to go, new foods to try, new things to experience during your year in the U.S.) and start doing them now. Post on our cluster group to find others who may want to join you on your adventures.

Photo by: Hernán Piñera (Flickr)

Avoiding Homesickness this Holiday Season

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and family, familiar places and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar. 

It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Her highs are higher, her lows are lower. The enormity of what she has done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits her and throws her into a self-protective mode.

Host parents can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be.) In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask her if she has any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect. Talk to her about what has to be accomplished and get her involved and interested. Don’t expect her to just “know” what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed upon assignments. Make her feel a part of things. And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

Photo: Sheila Sund (Flickr)

Hints for Success – Overcoming Homesickness

Almost everyone experiences homesickness and culture shock to some degree, when they come to live in a completely new environment. So much is different and it takes time to adjust.

It is normal to miss your own family, at home. Try to remember that they support you and want you to make the most of this experience. They will enjoy learning more about the U.S., through your eyes, as you share your adventures with them.

Top 5 Tips for Dealing with Homesickness

1. Make Friends – Don’t wait for other au pairs to reach out to you, reach out to them. There are other lots of new au pairs who are feeling the same way you are right now. Set a goal to reach out to a few of them each day. Some will respond and some will not. Don’t let that discourage you. No one will ever be mad at you for sending them a message to say hello or ask if they want to do something together. Make friends from various countries and you will also get a chance to practice your English skills together.

2. Stay in touch with your home country, but not too much. Skyping or talking on the phone every day with your family and/or friends back home normally makes homesickness worse. Try emailing instead and reduce the Skype and phone calls to once a week, until you feel stronger. It’s much harder seeing the faces and hearing the voices of those you miss.

3. Get out of the house (or your room specifically) – Go to cluster meetings, have coffee or movies with other au pairs, join a gym, go to the library, go for a walk, visit the mall, get a manicure, visit a museum. If someone invites you out, say “yes.” Also, don’t be afraid to do the inviting. If your host family invites you to do things with them, say “yes.” This will help you get to know each other and contribute to your overall happiness.

4. Realize that it definitely gets better – All au pairs experience homesickness and the vast majority of them get through it, stay and have a successful year (some even extend for a second year!) So, it must get better, right? Once you get past the initial homesickness, most au pairs report how quickly the year goes by.

5. Make Plans – Create your own Au Pair Bucket List (places you want to go, new foods to try, new things to experience during your year in the U.S.) and start doing them now. Post on our cluster Facebook group to find others who may want to join you on your adventures.

Photo by:  Shimelle Laine (Flickr)

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Welcoming Your New Au Pair.

Welcoming Your Au Pair

welcome

After you match with your new au pair and arrange her travel from orientation to your community, it’s very important to keep in touch with her prior to her arrival. Please keep in mind that you have opened your home to someone else’s daughter. There are many things you can do that will help her to feel welcome in your home. An email to check in every so often is reassuring and builds the bonds you started to form when you offered her a home for a year. Sending photos of the children or pictures they have drawn is also a welcome form of connection.

Once your au pair arrives at orientation, please call her to welcome her. It makes the au pair feel much more comfortable to hear from you while she is at orientation. The number at the hotel is 203-358-8400. The best time to call is between 7 and 7:30 AM. You can leave a message for her to call you collect if you can’t reach her directly. An alternative is to call her the night before she leaves home.

Some families send flowers or small packages with personalized stationery or homemade cookies. Ask your counselor for other suggestions if you want to send something, but keep in mind that your au pair will have to transport whatever it is to your house. Faxes can be received by the hotel and are also a nice way to say hello.

Before she travels to your home, prepare a welcome sign made by the children. You can display it at home or use it at the airport or train station. Make sure her room is clean and ready for her. Mark the au pair’s birthday on the family calendar.

When she arrives at your home, she will be tired, excited and probably anxious. Keep in mind the fatigue that being in a new culture causes, particularly if your au pair is not a native English speaker. The au pair needs time to recover from jet lag.

It’s important to give her a few days to unpack, rest and become acclimated to the host family’s home, family and neighborhood before expecting her to assume full child care responsibilities. She should be allowed to find ways to make her space her own; mounting a bulletin board on the wall is one easy way to do this.

According to Department of State regulations, au pairs are not allowed to assume sole responsibility for the children until after she has been in the home three days. Giving her the opportunity to bond with the children one at a time is helpful in building relationships. Those first few days can be used to complete the child care questionnaire for each of your children, to conduct a tour of the neighborhood, to go to the grocery store to determine her food preferences and for her to see the variety of foods available in the US, and to share information about the house and her chores. Many families also use this time to have the au pair drive for the first time.

The Community Counselor will call and/or visit within the first forty-eight hours after the au pair’s arrival.

Some other adjustment issues to keep in mind:

  • The au pair may be confused by directions with so many new things to learn, especially as she works to adapt to a new language and surroundings.
  • She may be homesick, possibly suffering from stomach indigestion as she tries to adapt to new foods, diet and a different time zone.
  • Children may be both excited and apprehensive about the au pair’s arrival, and their behavior patterns may be different from how they generally behave. With patience they will weather the transition.
  • Host parents may need to adapt to sharing living space with a young adult.

Putting time and effort into a positive welcome experience and being prepared for what typically happens in the first few days will give your match a strong foundation to build on.

Surviving the Holiday Season.

The Holidays should be a time of joy and excitement.  From my experience, we have noticed they can also be a time of stress and disappointment for Host Families and Au Pairs.  I would like to offer some ideas and insights that I hope can broaden everyone’s understanding.

Homesickness

First, let’s face the issue of homesickness.  Host Families, this can be a problem at this time of year even if it hasn’t been in the past. Important people and places are missed.  Our traditions and activities seem “different” just at a time when an Au Pair craves the “familiar” celebration.  My observation has been that an Au Pair’s emotions are closer to the surface during the holidays.  Her highs are higher, her lows are lower.  The enormity of what she is accomplishing…actually living and working in another culture, (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)… can induce a self-protective mode.  You can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be such as when the candles will be lit, the stockings hung, the gifts given, the meals prepared and eaten, the relatives arriving, etc.. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect.  Talk to her about what must be accomplished and get her involved. Ask her if she has any favorite holiday foods or traditions that could be incorporated into your celebration. Give her some clear, agreed-upon assignments. Remember, her parents have probably handled the organization in previous years, so don’t expect her to “know” what needs to be done. Make her feel a part of things.  And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.  Try to cut a little slack, then be pleased with progress.

Au Pairs, regarding homesickness…you knew when you came for a year that family and religious holidays would be a part of that year.   If you get involved and active in the family’s plans, I assure you that next year you will be thinking about this family and missing their celebrations!  Your Host Family will make many efforts to assure that this holiday in America is special for you.  It is important to your Host Family that you acknowledge their efforts.  Show your appreciation and participate, participate, participate!!!  Look for ways to help.  If you aren’t certain, ask!  Thinking about someone other than yourself is the best way to manage homesickness.

Routine Changes

Host Families, another problem to consider is how the dynamics of the established relationships and routines change during the holidays.  Parents are home more and this demands adjustment for the children as well as the Au Pair.  Different work expectations may be needed since the kids may prefer to hover around the parents.  This can make an Au Pair feel unwanted and unsure of what is expected of her.  She may not see the specific needs of the children other than the usual.  The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year, I’m sure) may be difficult to handle even for the most confident Au Pair.  Assure her that this behavior is temporary and will be back to normal soon.  In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help.  Encourage her to roll with the punches and enjoy the energy of the season.  The quantity of gifts given to the children and the excesses of gifts, food, decorations, etc. can be overwhelming.  In everyone’s best interest, make sure there is some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

Au Pairs, life will be busy and, perhaps, stressful for the Host Family as they do all that they would like during the holiday season.  Celebrations don’t just “happen”…there is a lot of work involved in having fun!  Your Orientation information from Connecticut, under “Policies and Procedures” very clearly states under “Holidays” that there are no automatic  “holidays off.”  You are expected to help with the work and responsibility. Your Host Family may not be at their usual jobs, but they are putting in great effort to prepare for the family celebration.  Your Host Parents are very successful day to day, but, these same people will be in an absolute panic trying to prepare holiday meals, get all of the toys assembled and wrapped, and create a “perfect” day for their family AND for you.  Find ways to help!   Play games with the children, bundle them up and take them for walks, visit the library with them, use up some of their energy.  This can free the parents for other things.  If the children want to be in the middle of the action, then find other ways to help.  You can keep the kitchen floor swept, do the extra laundry, prepare lunch when parents are busy.  BE CREATIVE about what you can do.  During your free time all year, you have the choice to be one of the children or one of the adults in your family…this is definitely the time to be one of the adults!  Keep your eyes and hearts open for moments to help out!

Social Life

Host Families, remember that socially, the holidays are a time when Au Pairs want to be with their friends.  Christmas Eve, in some countries, is spent with friends rather than family.  New Year’s Eve in America is a very special occasion to them.  Discuss your plans and expectations with each other.  Be as generous with free time as possible.

Au Pairs, if you treat family holidays as a time to disappear every evening, and sleep all day, you can expect to disappoint your family.  If you came to learn family customs, then please know that our customs during the holidays include working together, sharing responsibility, and spending time with the extended family.  As for  ‘New Years Eve,’ all of you would like to have this night off to celebrate, but many of you will be asked to work.  If this is part of your responsibility, do it with good grace and cooperation.  It is only one night out of your 13 months here!   If your Host Parents make arrangements so you can be free, express your appreciation.

Host Families and Au Pairs, these are important days ahead. They will involve adjustment, but will create fun-filled memories if you let them.  This is a time of love and understanding.  Please do your part to reflect these priorities.

I wish you all a very wonderful holiday season and a happy and healthy new year.