Tag Archives: nanny

Battling Backtalk

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From Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions

Why do kids talk back?
Kids talk back for a variety of reasons. They may be testing your limits or trying to get a reaction. Perhaps they’re hungry, tired or just having a bad day. However, if backtalk is frequent, it’s usually the child’s way of exerting his power and saying “You’re not the boss of me.”

We’re all hard-wired with a need for POSITIVE power -– the ability to have some control over our lives. When parents over-protect, over-demand, or constantly order, correct and direct their kids… they strip them of independence and personal power.

The only way our kids know to respond is to fight back. It’s a basic fight or flight response. They can’t easily flee (your food and shelter are way better than they can afford on their own), so they fight back with backtalk, attitude, negotiating, arguing, stomping away, eye rolling, etc.

All kids, toddlers through teens, seek to exert their independence -– it’s what they’re supposed to do. Our goal as parents is to foster their independence within our limits and without the back talk.

Here are five tips to help you reduce backtalk in your house.

Own your role: Power struggles that lead to backtalk are a two-way street and parents and au pairs also play a starring role. Be aware of your day in and day out communication with your kids (and your spouse, for that matter!) Watch your tone of voice and minimize the amount of ordering, correcting and directing you do. No one wants to be “bossed around” all day and the natural reaction is to fight back.

Remember, it’s not about “winning” the battle. It’s about recognizing that your child needs more control over her life and helping her find ways to have positive power within your boundaries.

Fill the attention basket: Kids of all ages have an attention basket -– plain and simple. If they don’t get sufficient positive attention, they will use negative behaviors to provoke us until they get our attention. From their perspective, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Fill their attention baskets in positive ways by spending one-on-one time with your kids daily. It doesn’t have to be a long time – just 10 minutes when they have your undivided time and attention (if the phone rings, don’t answer… if your Blackberry chirps, let it go.) As you fill their attention baskets positively and proactively, your kids will become more cooperative and less likely to provoke power struggles.

Finding a spare 10 minutes to spend with each child can seem daunting in a busy non-stop life, but think of it as an “investment” in good behavior, a calmer home and less backtalk.


Give power to the people: Find ways to give your people the positive power they need. Provide more choices — within your family boundaries –- so they can have more control over their world. To a toddler, power means choosing between a Batman and Spiderman toothbrush. To a teenager, it can be allowing him to decide which restaurant the family goes to on Saturday night.

Chill out: Don’t overreact! Kids talk back to get a reaction. When you get upset and respond with “you will not talk to me that way, young man”, they score with a power payoff.

Instead, get eye to eye and very calmly say, “I feel hurt/disrespected when you speak to me that way. When I hear that tone of voice, I’m going to walk away. I’ll be happy to talk with you when we can speak to each other respectfully.”

Then – walk away! The next time it happens, don’t remind; don’t say a word. Just calmly walk away. It sends the message, “I won’t participate in this power struggle with you.”

Rule of law: Be very clear about the rules in your house and be equally clear about the consequences if the rules are broken. Then, if kids push the limits, follow through -– each and every time. Parents and au pair don’t have to be harsh or overly strict. They just have to set fair limits, communicate those limits clearly and be consistent in implementing consequences when appropriate.

National Peanut Butter Day

Today is National Peanut Butter Day.  Who would have guessed you can make Peanut Butter Lover’s Day a Craft Day!

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Other Things To Do:

  • Find out more about where peanuts come from.
  • Make home-made peanut butter.
  • Talk about the color brown/tan.
  • Try one of these Open-Faced Peanut Butter Sandwiches.
  • Go on a peanut hunt (hide peanuts all around the room for someone to search for).

Going Unplugged During Work Hours

Kiev, Ukraine - August 26, 2013 - A collection of well-known social media brands printed on paper and placed on plastic signs. Include Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Google Plus, Instagram and Tumblr logos.

Phones, tablets, and laptops are wonderful tools to stay connected and informed, but we need to be careful not to let them become distractions from real life interactions and most importantly our responsibilities.

Au Pairs – Imagine for a moment that you went to the hospital and you were in the care of doctors and nurses.  How would you feel if those doctors and nurses who were there to care for you were more interested in texting or using their personal computer than caring for you?  How would that make you feel, about yourself and about them?  Would you think that you were getting the treatment you deserved?  Would you feel like paying the bill after your stay?

Life as an au pair, it is a fine balance between employee and family member. You live with your host family and participate with them as a member of the family, but you also have clear responsibilities as a childcare provider. Being a childcare provider is truly one of the most important jobs I can think of, because you are helping to shape our next generation.  What message are you sending them when you would rather interact with a computer than with them? How will they feel about themselves and about you? Children feel as though everything is about them. They will see this as a rejection of them and they will be more likely to act out.

It also poses a safety concern when you are not paying enough attention to the children in your care.  Accidents happen, but when an adult care giver is close by and appropriately supervising the chances of a major injury dramatically reduce.

During work hours, the following would not be considered acceptable:
-Texting
-Talking to friends on the phone
-Chatting with friends online
-Using Skype or FaceTime
-IMing
-Emailing
-Updating your status on Facebook
-Using Snapchat, WhatsApp or any other app or social media site
-Watching videos on YouTube
-Tweeting on Twitter
-Uploading photos on Instagram
-Anything else on the computer unless it is going to Nickjr.com together with your host children

Think about this — even if you work 45 hours a week, that leaves you 123 hours per week for all of that other stuff, or about 70 hours (if you are getting the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep per night.)

Host Parents – You need to be clear about what you consider acceptable during work hours to avoid misunderstandings.  Also, please understand that you are dealing with a new generation of people who are very accustomed to being plugged in at all times.  Their intention is not to be rude, they don’t necessarily realize how their actions will be perceived.  Please use this information as an opportunity to begin a dialogue on the issue.

Make It The Best Year Ever

There are so many new faces in the cluster.  You must have heard “make this the best year ever”, but what does it really mean?  Here is a list of suggestions I gathered from my former au pairs.  They all agree that the year goes by really fast and despite having some bad days, they do miss being an au pair.  When I asked them what suggestions they wanted to share, here is what they told me:

1.  Take good care of the kids (this really was their first response!)

2.  Listen and respect your host family, be honest about your mistakes, don’t try to hide them….it will only make things worse.

3.  Travel as soon as you can, don’t procrastinate.

4.  Meet new people, try not to hang out with only au pairs from your country

5.  Enjoy every moment

6.  Be open-minded, don’t compare

7.  Don’t spend all your money on the stuff you don’t need.  It’s not easy to take it home

8.  Give it a good chance, even it you are feeling homesick, shy or nervous. Stick it out because its definitely worth it

9.  Take advantage of your free time, volunteer and help out.  The reference letter may help you get a job in the future.

10.  Pick your classes carefully.  There are some options that you will find interesting.

Enjoy your journey!

Happy Passover

Passover 2011 begins at sundown on Monday, April 18 and lasts for seven days in Israel and eight days in the rest of the world.

 

 

Passover (Pesach in Hebrew) commemorates the formative experience of the Jewish people: their transformation from scattered tribes indentured in Egypt to a nation on the road to redemption. As the Israelites hastily prepared for their precipitous flight from Egypt, they had no time to allow their bread to rise. Instead they baked matza, a flat, yeastless cracker of flour and water.

At the last minute, Pharaoh changed his mind and gave chase; God parted the Red Sea, allowing the Israelites to pass through on miraculously dry land while causing the pursuing Egyptians, along with their horses and chariots, to drown in the briny deep.

 

The seder:
On the first night of Passover (the first two nights, outside of Israel), a ceremonial meal called a Seder  is held, usually in the company of family and friends. The Seder, replete with symbolism, revolves around bringing the Exodus story to life.

 

The other six days:
The Biblical Song of Songs is read during synagogue services on the Saturday that falls during Passover (the second if there is more than one). On the final night of Passover, some recall the splitting of the Red Sea — which, according to tradition, happened on that day — by gathering to sing songs of praise to God, with a bowl of water on the table before them. Chabad Jews dedicate a special meal on this day to the Messiah, complete with cups of wine

Happy Birthday Au Pair in America.

25 years

 

Au Pair in America Celebrates 25 Years!

Au Pair in America was established in 1986 as the first federally approved au pair program in the United States.  We have established high standards of excellence, partnering with the U.S. government, international partners, our U.S. field network, AIFS staff and orientation team to provide a quality cross-cultural experience for over 87,000 au pairs from around the world and thousands of American families.  Join us in celebration

A Very Merry Christmas!

HERE’S WISHING A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS!

Christmas around the world

Millions of children around the world are familiar with plump and jolly Santa Claus, much loved of North America, with his red suit, black boots and twinkling eyes. He arrives Christmas Eve bearing gifts from the North Pole in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. Other countries have their own native gift bearers of the holiday season as well.

 

Christmas Customs

Christmas around the world: In Italy, children receive gifts from the good witch La Befana, old, bent and dressed in black. La Befana was a widowed, childless woman when the Three Kings passed on their way to see the Christ child. When they asked her the way to Bethlehem she was busy cleaning and sent them away. Realizing her mistake, she left to search for the Baby Jesus. To this day she is still searching going from house to house on Epiphany, January 6, leaving a gift for good children.

Russian children await gifts from Babouska, a farmer’s wife who offered food and shelter to the Three Wise men on their journey to Bethlehem, Baboushka declined their offer of travelling with them to visit the Christ child. Realizing her error on the eve of Epiphany, she tried unsuccessfully to find them, but handed the presents she had intended for the infant Jesus to children she passed along the way.

In Spain, Mexico, Puerto Rico and South America, the Three Kings or Wise Men bring Christmas gifts to children, while in France children eagerly await the coming of Father Christmas or Pere Noel who brings their gifts.

In some cultures, Saint Nicholas travels with an assistant. The old bishop Sinterklass arrives in Holland on December 6 in his red bishop’s costume astride a white horse. In many port towns, he is said to have sailed in on a ship from Spain. Beside him walks Black Peter with a black sack and a book recording each Dutch child’s behavior through the year. Good children receive a gift from the bishop while bad children may be carried away in Black Peter’s sack

 
In Germany Saint Nicholas also travels with a helper, known as Knecht Ruprecht, Krampus, or Pelzebock, and comes with a sack on his back and a rod or switches in his hand. Saint Nicholas gives gifts to good children, while those who have been bad are punished by the assistant with a few hits of a switch.

Swedish children wait for the gnome Jultomten, also called Julemanden or Julenisse, who dresses in red and carries a sack of gifts on his back. He flies in his sleigh pulled by the Julbocker, the goats of Thor, the god of thunder. Elves, called the Juul Nisse, hide in the attics of families throughout the year, eagerly waiting to help him. Children leave bowls of milk or rice pudding in the attic for the elves, hoping they will be empty in the morning.

In Austria and Switzerland it is Christkindl or the Christ Child who arrives bearing gifts. In some towns children await the Holy Child and in others Christkindl is a beautiful girl-angel who comes down from heaven bearing gifts.

And in England a thinner version of Santa Claus known as Father Christmas, wearing long red robes with sprigs of holly in his hair, delivers gifts to children.

Merry Christmas around the world

Afrikaner (Afrikaans) ~ “Geseënde Kersfees”
Argentine ~ “Felices Pascuas”
Bohemian ~ “Vesele Vanoce”
Brazilian ~ “Boas Festas”
Chinese (Cantonese) ~ “Saint Dan Fai Lok”
Danish ~ “Glædelig Jul”
Dutch ~ “Vrolijk Kerstfeest”
English ~ “Merry Christmas”
Filipino ~ “Maligayang Pasko”
Finnish ~ “Hyvaa Joulua”
French ~ “Joyeux Noël”
German ~ “Froehliche Weihnachten”
Greek ~ “Kala Christouyenna”
Hawaiian ~ “Mele Kalikimaka”
Hebrew ~ “Mo’adim Lesimkha”
Icelandic ~ “Gledileg Jol”
Indonesian ~ “Selamat Hari Natal”
Irish ~ “Nollaig Shona Dhuit”
Italian ~ “Buone Feste Natalizie”Natale italiano
Japanese ~ “Kurisumasu Omedeto”
Korean ~ “Sung Tan Chuk Ha”
Lithuanian ~ “Linksmu Kaledu”
Malay ~ “Selamat Hari Natal”
Maori ~ “Meri Kirihimete”
Norwegian ~ “God Jul”Jul i Norge
Romanian ~ “Craciun Fericit”
Peruvian ~ “Felices Fiestas”
Portugese ~ “Boas Festas”
Slovakian ~ “Vesele Vianoce”
Spanish ~ “Feliz Navidad”Cyber Navidad
Swedish ~ “God Jul”Jul i Sverige
Welsh ~ “Nadolig Llawen”

Surviving the Holiday Season.

The Holidays should be a time of joy and excitement.  From my experience, we have noticed they can also be a time of stress and disappointment for Host Families and Au Pairs.  I would like to offer some ideas and insights that I hope can broaden everyone’s understanding.

Homesickness

First, let’s face the issue of homesickness.  Host Families, this can be a problem at this time of year even if it hasn’t been in the past. Important people and places are missed.  Our traditions and activities seem “different” just at a time when an Au Pair craves the “familiar” celebration.  My observation has been that an Au Pair’s emotions are closer to the surface during the holidays.  Her highs are higher, her lows are lower.  The enormity of what she is accomplishing…actually living and working in another culture, (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)… can induce a self-protective mode.  You can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be such as when the candles will be lit, the stockings hung, the gifts given, the meals prepared and eaten, the relatives arriving, etc.. Let her know what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and what she can expect.  Talk to her about what must be accomplished and get her involved. Ask her if she has any favorite holiday foods or traditions that could be incorporated into your celebration. Give her some clear, agreed-upon assignments. Remember, her parents have probably handled the organization in previous years, so don’t expect her to “know” what needs to be done. Make her feel a part of things.  And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.  Try to cut a little slack, then be pleased with progress.

Au Pairs, regarding homesickness…you knew when you came for a year that family and religious holidays would be a part of that year.   If you get involved and active in the family’s plans, I assure you that next year you will be thinking about this family and missing their celebrations!  Your Host Family will make many efforts to assure that this holiday in America is special for you.  It is important to your Host Family that you acknowledge their efforts.  Show your appreciation and participate, participate, participate!!!  Look for ways to help.  If you aren’t certain, ask!  Thinking about someone other than yourself is the best way to manage homesickness.

Routine Changes

Host Families, another problem to consider is how the dynamics of the established relationships and routines change during the holidays.  Parents are home more and this demands adjustment for the children as well as the Au Pair.  Different work expectations may be needed since the kids may prefer to hover around the parents.  This can make an Au Pair feel unwanted and unsure of what is expected of her.  She may not see the specific needs of the children other than the usual.  The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year, I’m sure) may be difficult to handle even for the most confident Au Pair.  Assure her that this behavior is temporary and will be back to normal soon.  In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help.  Encourage her to roll with the punches and enjoy the energy of the season.  The quantity of gifts given to the children and the excesses of gifts, food, decorations, etc. can be overwhelming.  In everyone’s best interest, make sure there is some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

Au Pairs, life will be busy and, perhaps, stressful for the Host Family as they do all that they would like during the holiday season.  Celebrations don’t just “happen”…there is a lot of work involved in having fun!  Your Orientation information from Connecticut, under “Policies and Procedures” very clearly states under “Holidays” that there are no automatic  “holidays off.”  You are expected to help with the work and responsibility. Your Host Family may not be at their usual jobs, but they are putting in great effort to prepare for the family celebration.  Your Host Parents are very successful day to day, but, these same people will be in an absolute panic trying to prepare holiday meals, get all of the toys assembled and wrapped, and create a “perfect” day for their family AND for you.  Find ways to help!   Play games with the children, bundle them up and take them for walks, visit the library with them, use up some of their energy.  This can free the parents for other things.  If the children want to be in the middle of the action, then find other ways to help.  You can keep the kitchen floor swept, do the extra laundry, prepare lunch when parents are busy.  BE CREATIVE about what you can do.  During your free time all year, you have the choice to be one of the children or one of the adults in your family…this is definitely the time to be one of the adults!  Keep your eyes and hearts open for moments to help out!

Social Life

Host Families, remember that socially, the holidays are a time when Au Pairs want to be with their friends.  Christmas Eve, in some countries, is spent with friends rather than family.  New Year’s Eve in America is a very special occasion to them.  Discuss your plans and expectations with each other.  Be as generous with free time as possible.

Au Pairs, if you treat family holidays as a time to disappear every evening, and sleep all day, you can expect to disappoint your family.  If you came to learn family customs, then please know that our customs during the holidays include working together, sharing responsibility, and spending time with the extended family.  As for  ‘New Years Eve,’ all of you would like to have this night off to celebrate, but many of you will be asked to work.  If this is part of your responsibility, do it with good grace and cooperation.  It is only one night out of your 13 months here!   If your Host Parents make arrangements so you can be free, express your appreciation.

Host Families and Au Pairs, these are important days ahead. They will involve adjustment, but will create fun-filled memories if you let them.  This is a time of love and understanding.  Please do your part to reflect these priorities.

I wish you all a very wonderful holiday season and a happy and healthy new year.

2011 Sojourner Douglas Weekend courses.

One of the choices available to our au pairs to complete their education component while in the US is the option to take weekend courses at accredited and APIA approved colleges. I have had lots of au pairs take the Sojourner Douglass weekend courses and they have been very pleased.  They have told me that the instructors and staff are helpful and professional, the courses are interesting and the facilities are nice.  Below you will find information on their upcoming course offerings.

Sojourner Douglass College, Division of Professional and Continuing Studies

The full 2011 schedule is available and posted on their website.  The winter courses are filling up quickly.

The following are offered as Two Weekend Programs:

  • Interior Design
  • English as a Second Language (ESL)
  • Foreign Languages
    • Travel Spanish
    • Travel French

  New for 2011, Non-lodging courses:

  • Microsoft Software Certification:
    • Word
    • Excel 
    • PowerPoint
  • Art History Course that occurs in Washington, DC
  • Volunteerism Course 

 

Registration is ongoing and can be completed online by visiting www.weekendprogram.org Early registration is encouraged. For more information about our courses please visit the website

2011 Schedule of Weekend Classes (subject to change based on enrollment)

January 8-9, 2011 – TOEFL Review Course

January 8-9, 2011 – American Language and Culture,

January 22-23, 2011 – American Government and Personal Development

January 22-23, 2011 – Computer Software/Certification: Word (Non-lodging Course)

January 22-23 and March 12-13, 2011 – Interior Design Two Weekend Program

March 5-6, 2011 – American Culture and Tourism

March 5-6 and May 7-8, 2011 – Hospitality and Tourism Two Weekend Program

March 12-13, 2011 – American Language and Culture

March 12-13 and April 9-10, 2011 – Travel Spanish Two Weekend Course

March 12-13 and April 30-May 1, 2011 – English as a Second Language Two Weekend Course

March 12-13, 2011 – Computer Software/Certification: PowerPoint (Non-lodging Course)

March 12, 19, 26 – Art History (Non-lodging Course), Washington, D.C.

April 2-3, 2011 – Caring for Special Needs Children and American Culture

April 2-3 and June 11-12, 2011 – Child Care Two Weekend Program

April 9-10, 2011 – Understanding American Language Culture and Government 

April 30 and May 1 – Volunteerism in America (Non-lodging Course)

May 7-8, 2011 – American Culture and Personal Development

May 7-8 and June 11-12, 2011 – Travel French Two Weekend Program

May 14, 21, 28 – Art History (Non-lodging Course), Washington, D.C.

  

To register visit our new website:  www.weekendprogram.org

Please note the location of Weekend Courses:

The Conference Center at the Maritime Institute

692 Maritime Boulevard Linthicum, MD 21090-1952

(410)-859-5700 Front Desk ext 0

For questions call Angela Garnett, Program Coordinator at 301-213-2404 or email: info@weekendprogram.org

Check out Education links.

It’s time to start thinking about what you will do for the winter semester (starts in January.)  Don’t wait until the last minute or the class you want could be fully enrolled.

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Check out the new links under education options.  There are great options for everyone in our cluster.

Reminder:

Au Pairs and Au Pair Extraordinaires need to complete 6 credit hours or 8 CEUs (continuing education units) or 72-80 classroom hours during their year.

Educare Companions need to complete 12 credit hours or 16 CEUs (continuing education units) or 144-160 classroom hours during their year.