Category Archives: Host Family Tips

Host Family Hints to Help Your Au Pair Match Flourish

Host parents have many responsibilities and are often very busy. Maintaining a good relationship with your au pair is essential and can prevent many potential issues. Below are a few simple things you can do to help your au pair match flourish.

Communication – Make time every couple of weeks for a check-in conversation. This provides your au pair a time to bring up questions or concerns which she may be hesitant to bring up when she sees how busy you are daily. It’s also a good time for discussing any concerns you have as well as planning for upcoming events or schedule changes.

I cannot emphasize enough how important these check-in conversations are, even after an au pair has been with a host family for months and into the extension year. Having these regular conversations says to your au pair that you care about how she is feeling and how things are going. It is an investment in keeping a match healthy and successful.

Treat Your Au Pair Like a Family Member – Au pairs who feel appreciated and included as a member of their host family tend to see their host children as family members and feel very invested in their happiness and success. 

Stay on Top of Payments –  Au pairs can feel very uncomfortable if they need to ask for their weekly stipend payment. This can also make them feel their work is not appreciated or you are unconcerned about their needs. Add a recurring weekly event on your calendar, use payment apps or automatic bank transfers to schedule your au pair’s stipend payment, and give yourself one less thing to remember.

The same is true for their transportation costs to cluster meetings and classes. Au pairs let their host family know about the expenses but some host parents don’t always follow through and reimburse them. Here’s a blog post with information and tips on how to handle transportation costs.

Photo: Shared by an APIA Host Family

Health & Safety: Where are Ticks?

When the weather is nice, we spend more time outdoors with the children. Playing in the back yard, at the playground, or walking on nature trails are great ways to get fresh air and exercise.

kids in woods

What are ticks? – Ticks are small mites that attach to the skin and suck blood. Click HERE to see examples of ticks.

Where are ticks commonly found? – Ticks are typically found in areas with trees, bushes, or tall grass. This includes back yards, parks, nature areas, and most places you would be spending time with the children outdoors in the nice weather.

What needs to be done? – When you return home from areas where ticks might live, carefully check the children and yourself (clothing, skin, and scalp) for ticks. If you find a tick on one of your host children, notify your host parents immediately.

Most ticks do not carry diseases, and most tick bites do not cause serious health problems. But it is important to remove a tick as soon as you find it. Removing the tick completely and cleaning the area with soap and water or antiseptic spray, may help avoid diseases such as Lyme Disease that the tick may pass on during feeding, or a skin infection where it bit you.

Click HERE for Instructions on Removing a tick from WebMD.com.

How do you reduce the risk of tick bites?  – Use a repellent with DEET on the skin. Repellents containing 20% or more DEET can protect up to several hours. Always follow product instructions. Adults should apply this product to their children, avoiding the hands, eyes, and mouth. When you come back in from outside, it’s best to wash the repellent off of the skin with soap and water. For detailed information about using DEET on children, see the American Academy of Pediatrics.

 

Holiday & Vacation Reminders

Holidays and vacations are a great opportunity to rest, recharge and explore the U.S.

Memorial Day Weekend (May 23-25 this year) is the unofficial start of summer travel season. Here are some reminders about program rules regarding holidays and vacations.

Holidays

  • Host families are not required to give au pairs any specific holidays.
  • Each host family will make different arrangements on holidays, some au pairs will be off and others will be required to work.
  • As holidays approach, it is helpful for host parents to let their au pair know if they will be off or not, so plans may be made.
  • Au pairs should not make plans for holidays without checking with their host family first.

Vacations

  • Au pairs earns 2 weeks of paid vacation during the course of their year.
  • If the 2 weeks is taken in smaller pieces (a few days at a time), it’s important to know that 2 weeks vacation does not equal 14 vacation days. This is because you would never work 7 days in a week. When you get a week off, it’s 5 vacation days and your 2 regular days off. That means 2 weeks of vacation = 10 vacation days plus 4 regular days off.
  • Vacation time should be mutually agreed upon.
  • All vacations should be preplanned (at least 4 weeks in advance).
  • All au pair’s friends and/or family visits/vacations should be pre-approved prior to purchasing tickets.
  • If au pairs travel with their host family, it should be discussed in advance whether this is the au pair’s vacation or if they’re working.
  • If au pairs travel with their host family to work, the host family is required to pay for the au pair’s transportation, lodging and meals.

Travel Outside the U.S. 

  • Au pairs in year one, are allowed to travel outside of the U.S. and return, however there are some important steps to take.
    • Au pairs must have their DS2019 signed (travel validation) PRIOR to their departure from the US.
    • More information and the travel validation request form may be found here on our cluster resource site.
    • It is essential that au pairs make their travel plans to return to the U.S. at least a few weeks prior to the expiration date listed on their visa. This date can sometimes be earlier than their actual year end date.
    • There is always some risk with traveling outside of the U.S., as your re-entry is at the discretion of the port of entry agent.
  • There are limitations on travel outside of the U.S. for au pairs in year two. Please speak with Christine or Lisa, prior to making travel plans.

Photo: Canva.com

How to Handle Transportation Costs

Program rules dictate several situations when the host parents are required to cover an au pair’s transportation costs. Aside from those specific requirements there are some things to consider when deciding how to handle an au pair’s personal transportation.

Situations when host parents are responsible for the au pair’s transportation costs:

  • To/from cluster meetings
  • To/from classes (for the education requirement)
  • When they are transporting the host children

What are some ways host parents can pay for those required transportation costs?

  • By providing car use and paying for the cost of gas in those situations
  • By giving an allowance for Metro or bus fare
  • By giving an allowance toward Uber/Lyft

Who is responsible for an au pair’s transportation in her free time? 

  • If an au pair has car use, it would be reasonable for the host parents to ask her to pay for the gas used for personal car use. 
  • If no car use is provided and an au pair must rely solely on public transportation, many host parents will give a transportation allowance to help with those costs.

What factors should you consider when deciding how to handle personal transportation costs?

  • Where do you live?
    • If you live in the city, you may be within easy walking and/or bike-riding distance to shopping and activities.
    • If you live in the farther out suburbs, there isn’t normally much an au pair can walk or bike to.
  • Is car use provided?
    • When host parents provide car use, that includes them covering the cost of car insurance and maintenance. So, it is fair to ask the au pair to pay for her own gas for personal use.
    • If host parents are not providing car use, many will figure out how much they are saving by not paying for insurance and maintenance costs and offer that to their au pair as an allowance for public transportation (metro, bus, Uber/Lyft).

Other Things to Consider

  • Au pairs are happiest when they are able to explore the area and make friends. This goes a long way to reduce homesickness and ensure a great cultural exchange experience. The more host parents can do to support this, the more successful their match will typically be.
  • When car use is provided, be clear about any limitations. Is it okay to transport friends, take the car overnight, go on a road trip, drive to Baltimore or Ocean City? In what situations does she have automatic permission and when does she need to ask in advance?
  • Every match is different. Transportation is only one aspect. Whatever works well for a host family and their au pair is what’s best (as long as the minimum program requirements are being met). Things like whether a host family is paying a higher stipend (over the regulation minimum), offering other benefits and driving the au pair to some places all may factor into how personal transportation costs are handled.
  • Please discuss transportation plans for cluster meetings in advance. Participation in cluster meetings is important for an au pair’s overall cultural experience, making friends and getting to know her counselor. Transportation to meetings should not be an impediment to those experiences. Add cluster meetings to your calendar as a reminder to reimburse your au pair if she is attending the meeting.

If you have questions or concerns about how to handle transportation, reach out to your counselor to discuss.

Photo: Andrea Piacquadio

 

Hints for Success – Handling Expenses

Host parents often ask for suggestions on how best to handle common expenses that occur as au pairs are caring for the children.

Miscellaneous Expenses

There are different ways to handle the little day-to-day expenses that come up.  Things like when an au pair takes the kids out for ice cream or picks up a gallon of milk.  Some families keep a cookie jar fund, a little cash that they set aside weekly or monthly for these types of expenses. Others give their au pair a prepaid debit card for this purpose. Below are some suggestions for avoiding problems with expenses.

Host Families

  • It’s important to be clear about how long this money should last and what types of expenses are approved.
  • Let the au pair know whether or not you expect receipts.

Au Pairs

  • Only spend the money on approved expenses.
  • If it is something you are not sure about, ask first.
  • Put your receipts in the cookie jar in place of the money to avoid any confusion.

Gas, Uber & Metro 

Transportation costs will vary depending on if your au pair is driving or taking public transportation. Here is a post dedicated to How to Handle Transportation Costs.

Photo: Andrea Travillian

Avoiding Homesickness During the Holiday Season

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and family, familiar places, and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar.

It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Their highs are higher, their lows are lower. The enormity of what they have done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits and throws them into a self-protective mode.

Au Pairs, there are things you can do to reduce homesickness during the holidays. It is important to balance your activities to feel connected to your family back home and your traditions and embrace new customs and experiences here in the U.S.

Lina and her friend enjoying one of the most popular celebrations of the year in Colombia. “Every December 7, Colombian families get together with close friends to light several candles thinking about wishes for the coming year such as health, prosperity, love, and happiness. It is also very traditional to share typical food from the region, and what can never be missing is wine and cookies.”

Share your traditions with your host family and friends. Each country has its own special holiday customs. Being friends with other au pairs, you can not only learn about the U.S. but also how other countries celebrate. When you talk with your family back home, you can share some of the new holiday experiences you are having. That can help lessen the feeling of missing out on moments at home by reminding you that you are here in the U.S. for a short time and you are making memories that will last a lifetime.

Host Parents, you can help your au pair through this unfamiliar territory by talking to them about specific family activities (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be.) In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask if they have any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let them know what you will be doing and when you will be doing it, so they know what to expect. Talk to them about what has to be accomplished and get them involved and interested. Don’t expect them to just “know” what needs to be done. Give some clear, agreed-upon assignments. Make them feel a part of things. And, let them know their contribution is needed and appreciated.

Photo: Lina Cabeza Paez

What to Do After a Car Accident

car-accident-cartoonHaving a car accident is a very upsetting, stressful situation. Being prepared and knowing what to do can make things a little bit easier. Make sure you know which host parent to call in case of an accident.

Make sure you have all the necessary documents in your car glove box. Read this post on What to Keep in the Car Glove Box for a detailed list.

If you have an accident: (from Edmunds.com)

  1. Keep Safety First. Drivers involved in minor accidents with no serious injuries should move cars to the side of the road and out of the way of oncoming traffic. Leaving cars parked in the middle of the road or busy intersection can result in additional accidents and injuries. If a car cannot be moved, drivers and passengers should remain in the cars with seatbelts fastened for everyone’s safety until help arrives. Make sure to turn on hazard lights and set out cones, flares or warning triangles if possible.
  2. Exchange Information. After the accident, exchange the following information: name, address, phone number, insurance company, policy number, driver license number and license plate number for the driver and the owner of each vehicle. If the driver’s name is different from the name of the insured, establish what the relationship is and take down the name and address for each individual. Also make a written description of each car, including year, make, model and color — and the exact location of the collision and how it happened. Finally, be polite but don’t tell the other drivers or the police that the accident was your fault, even if you think it was.
  3. Photograph and Document the Accident. Use your camera to document the damage to all the vehicles. Keep in mind that you want your photos to show the overall context of the accident so that you can make your case to a claims adjuster. If there were witnesses, try to get their contact information; they may be able to help you if the other drivers dispute your version of what happened.

Thanksgiving is November 27

Thanksgiving is a public holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November every year in the United States. It started as a harvest festival and has been celebrated nationally on and off since 1789.  The most important part of Thanksgiving for American families is to spend family time together.

Here are some fun facts about this special holiday:

  • The first Thanksgiving was held in the autumn of 1621 and included 50 Pilgrims and 90 Wampanoag Indians and lasted three days.
  • The first Thanksgiving was eaten with spoons and knives — but no forks! Forks weren’t even introduced to the Pilgrims until 10 years later and weren’t a popular utensil until the 18th century.
  • Thanksgiving is the reason for TV dinners! In 1953, Swanson had so much extra turkey (260 tons) that a salesman told them they should package it onto aluminum trays with other sides like sweet potatoes — and the first TV dinner was invented.
  • Presidential pardon of a turkey: Each year, the president pardons a turkey and spares it from being eaten for Thanksgiving dinner. The first turkey pardon ceremony started with President Truman in 1947. President Obama pardoned a 45-pound turkey named Courage, who has flown to Disneyland and served as Grand Marshal of the park’s Thanksgiving Day parade!
  • Why is Thanksgiving the fourth Thursday in November? President Abe Lincoln said Thanksgiving would be the fourth Thursday in November, but in 1939 President Roosevelt moved it up a week hoping it would help the shopping season during the Depression era. It never caught on and it was changed back two years later.
  • How did the tradition of watching football on Thanksgiving start? The NFL started the Thanksgiving Classic games in 1920 and since then the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys have hosted games on Turkey Day. In 2006, a third game was added with different teams hosting.
  • About 90 % of Americans eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day
  • The ‘wishbone’ of the turkey is used in a good luck ritual on Thanksgiving Day.

Photo: Tim Sackton

Making Thanksgiving Memories Together

Thanksgiving is a public holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November every year in the United States. It started as a harvest festival and has been celebrated nationally on and off since 1789.  The most important part of Thanksgiving for American families is to spend family time together.

Martin Cathrae

“My favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. Firstly, it was my first holiday with the whole family in America. Secondly, the whole family came together. All aunts and uncles and their kids came to grandma’s. We played football with all of them, including grandma and grandpa. It was the first time I played it and it was so much fun for all. We had a great dinner with all the typical things you can imagine … it was deeeelicious! It was so great to be with such a big family and I really enjoyed that day. I will remember it my whole life, I hope.” – Swantje from Germany

Here are a few tips to help you have a terrific Thanksgiving experience.

Host Parents
Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration, if at all possible. If you are traveling or will not be able to invite your au pair to join you for Thanksgiving, give her plenty of notice and help her make alternate plans. You don’t want to leave your au pair alone over the holiday.

Au Pairs
If you are invited to attend dinner, please let your family know within 5 days of the invitation, whether you are planning to attend, so they may make plans. If your host family is unable to include you in their Thanksgiving plans, please let me know if you have trouble making other plans, so I can assist.

Make sure to discuss time off during this holiday weekend. Many host families work the Friday after Thanksgiving so do not assume you have this day off or the entire weekend. Talk to your host family, BEFORE you make any plans.

Bonus Tip for the Kids
If you are looking for a fun recipe to make with your au pair, check out these turkey cookies. Find more fun activities and recipes on the Au Pair in America Fall Holidays pinboard.

Image: Martin Cathrae

Surviving & Thriving in the Holiday Season

The fall/winter holiday season is most often a time of joy and excitement. However, it can also be a time of stress and disappointment for both host families and au pairs.

Here are some ideas and insights that will hopefully help you avoid stress and disappointment and share more of the joy and excitement!

Holiday Work Schedules

Miscommunication over the schedule is the #1 issue for host families and au pairs over the holidays. As a reminder to assist with scheduling, program guidelines state an au pair can work up to 45 hours per week and no more than 10 hours per day. Hours cannot be carried from week to week. Please take the time to discuss your schedules and expectations.

The au pair program regulations do not have requirements for au pairs to be given holidays off. However, in the spirit of the program and since most parents will be at home spending time with their children, the majority of host families give au pairs some or all of the winter holidays off Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day. Please discuss this so that everyone is clear about the schedule when making holiday plans.

Religion

For au pairs with religious beliefs different from your own, you may choose to encourage them to share the associated traditions with your family. If you are not comfortable with this aspect of cultural exchange, your au pair may need your help as well as appropriate time off to participate in their own holiday traditions. Enabling them to do this is very important. Their holiday or time to celebrate the holiday may not be the same as yours; try to take this into consideration if you can when you make their work schedule. You may find that there is no conflict in giving their time off if their traditions are different, and it can relieve a great deal of anxiety to take their preferences into consideration. If you do need your au pair to work during the holiday, please tell them way in advance so that it is not a surprise. Help them to see this as a positive aspect of the cultural exchange if she will be actively sharing in the holiday celebration.

Changes to Routine

The dynamics of established relationships and routines change during the holiday. The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year) may seem like craziness to the au pair. Assure them that this new set of behaviors is temporary and the household will be back to normal soon. In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help. Encourage them to roll with the punches and enjoy the craziness. Also, the number of gifts, food, decorations, etc., can be unfamiliar and overwhelming. Try to include the au pair in some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

These are important days ahead. This is perhaps the greatest opportunity of the year to respect and learn about cultural differences, which is, indeed, one of the basic elements of the Au Pair in America program. There will be fun-filled memories. This should be a time of love and understanding. Please do your part to make that happen.

Wishing you every happiness of the season!

Photo: Sean Hobson