Tag Archives: au pairs

Welcoming Your New Au Pair.

Welcoming Your Au Pair

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After you match with your new au pair and arrange her travel from orientation to your community, it’s very important to keep in touch with her prior to her arrival. Please keep in mind that you have opened your home to someone else’s daughter. There are many things you can do that will help her to feel welcome in your home. An email to check in every so often is reassuring and builds the bonds you started to form when you offered her a home for a year. Sending photos of the children or pictures they have drawn is also a welcome form of connection.

Once your au pair arrives at orientation, please call her to welcome her. It makes the au pair feel much more comfortable to hear from you while she is at orientation. The number at the hotel is 203-358-8400. The best time to call is between 7 and 7:30 AM. You can leave a message for her to call you collect if you can’t reach her directly. An alternative is to call her the night before she leaves home.

Some families send flowers or small packages with personalized stationery or homemade cookies. Ask your counselor for other suggestions if you want to send something, but keep in mind that your au pair will have to transport whatever it is to your house. Faxes can be received by the hotel and are also a nice way to say hello.

Before she travels to your home, prepare a welcome sign made by the children. You can display it at home or use it at the airport or train station. Make sure her room is clean and ready for her. Mark the au pair’s birthday on the family calendar.

When she arrives at your home, she will be tired, excited and probably anxious. Keep in mind the fatigue that being in a new culture causes, particularly if your au pair is not a native English speaker. The au pair needs time to recover from jet lag.

It’s important to give her a few days to unpack, rest and become acclimated to the host family’s home, family and neighborhood before expecting her to assume full child care responsibilities. She should be allowed to find ways to make her space her own; mounting a bulletin board on the wall is one easy way to do this.

According to Department of State regulations, au pairs are not allowed to assume sole responsibility for the children until after she has been in the home three days. Giving her the opportunity to bond with the children one at a time is helpful in building relationships. Those first few days can be used to complete the child care questionnaire for each of your children, to conduct a tour of the neighborhood, to go to the grocery store to determine her food preferences and for her to see the variety of foods available in the US, and to share information about the house and her chores. Many families also use this time to have the au pair drive for the first time.

The Community Counselor will call and/or visit within the first forty-eight hours after the au pair’s arrival.

Some other adjustment issues to keep in mind:

  • The au pair may be confused by directions with so many new things to learn, especially as she works to adapt to a new language and surroundings.
  • She may be homesick, possibly suffering from stomach indigestion as she tries to adapt to new foods, diet and a different time zone.
  • Children may be both excited and apprehensive about the au pair’s arrival, and their behavior patterns may be different from how they generally behave. With patience they will weather the transition.
  • Host parents may need to adapt to sharing living space with a young adult.

Putting time and effort into a positive welcome experience and being prepared for what typically happens in the first few days will give your match a strong foundation to build on.

Saying Goodbye to your Au Pair.

How to Say Goodbye

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TRANSITIONING TO A NEW AU PAIR

As your au pair’s departure date approaches, her departure will affect you and her, as well as the children. There may be many different reactions to the au pair’s departure. You may see (or experience) tears, hostility or withdrawal. Remember that although it is important to talk about feelings, it may be difficult for young children to express feelings of loss, disappointment or betrayal. Therefore, children may act out their feelings instead (this can also be useful and appropriate). Any member of the household may feel angry, abandoned, sad or depressed. One common response to these feelings is to start to distance oneself. This helps some people to say good-bye, but may be confusing to other parties involved.

Here are some things to think about which might help everyone in your household prepare for your au pair’s departure:

  • Young children perceive time differently than adults. Therefore, your preparation for the departure should not begin too far in advance.
  • As the departure date nears, please start to talk with your children about her departure. When possible, it is helpful to link the departure date to some other event (when school is over, soon after vacation, etc.).
  • It would also be desirable for your au pair herself to mention to the children that she will be leaving. Encourage her to do so.
  • If you have not already discussed world geography with your child, this would be a good time to do so. Point out on a globe where you live and where your au pair is going. Discuss the distance and the travel time involved. Be clear that the au pair is going home to her family.
  • Discuss the possibility of staying in touch with letters, e-mail, or even pictures if your child does not write. Be sure you have the au pair’s address, and make plans to write.
  • It is often helpful (and fun) to create a small photo album for your children to look at. After your au pair leaves this can hold important memories for them.
  • If you are having another au pair arrive, discuss the arrival plans with your child. Be sensitive to the possibility that your current au pair might feel badly about being “replaced” in your children’s hearts.
  • Make sure there is an opportunity to say good-bye. Make it clear when it will be the last time your children will be seeing the au pair.
  • If a change in routine is anticipated, try to put it in place before the new au pair arrives if possible.
  • A departing au pair might want to leave a welcoming note to the next au pair along with any useful tips or information that she knows would be helpful. This could help her to feel valued by you.

As concerned parents, we often might want to protect our children from life’s bumps and bruises. However, learning to deal with loss is an important life lesson that can be understood by even young children. It is important to know that someone can care about you and still leave. With support from the family and the au pair, children can feel safe and secure while accepting the au pair’s departure. Children are often more resilient than we give them credit for, and they are also often a reflection of their parents’ feelings.

Healthy Snacks for Adults

March is Nutrition Month – Tip # 3

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Make snacks work for you by choosing nutrient-rich foods from the MyPyramid food groups. Snacks can boost your energy between meals and supply essential vitamins and minerals. There is a place for snacks in a healthy eating plan. Just choose wisely:

• Think of snacks as mini-meals that contribute nutrient-rich foods. You can fit snack calories into your personal healthy eating plan without over-spending your day’s calorie budget.

• Snack only when you’re hungry. Skip the urge to nibble when you’re bored, frustrated or stressed. Feed the urge to do something by walking the dog or working in the garden.

• Keep portion control in mind. Have a single-serve container of yogurt or put a small serving of nuts in a bowl. Eating directly from a multiple-serving package can lead to overeating.

• Plan snacks ahead of time. Keep a variety of nutritious ready-to-eat supplies on hand, such as whole-grain crackers and low-fat cheese.

Get creative with the following snack suggestions by swapping out different fruits, vegetables and grains to keep your snacking exciting!

Snacks with 200 calories or less:

• One tablespoon peanut butter spread on slices of a medium apple

• One cup tomato soup with five whole-grain crackers

• Three cups air-popped popcorn sprinkled with three tablespoons grated parmesan cheese

• Tri-color veggie snack: 6 baby carrots, 10 sugar snap peas (or green pepper strips), 6 cherry tomatoes and 2 tablespoons reduced-fat ranch dressing for dipping

• Small baked potato topped with salsa and 1 ounce low-fat cheese

• Toaster waffle topped with ½ cup blueberries and 2 tablespoons low-fat yogurt

• Six whole-wheat crackers and one slice low-fat Colby cheese

• Fruit smoothie: Blend 1 cup fat-free milk, ½ cup frozen strawberries and ½ banana

• One 6-inch flour tortilla with ¼ cup black beans and 2 tablespoons fresh salsa

• Quick-to-fix salad: 2 cups mixed greens with ½ cup mandarin oranges, 1 tablespoon sliced almonds and 2 tablespoons reduced-fat dressing

• Mini-sandwich: Whole-grain dinner roll with 1 slice deli turkey, 1 slice low-fat cheese and mustard

Snacks with 200 to 300 calories for active adults, teens and athletes:

• Refuel between meals or after a work-out with these higher-calorie snacks. Watch serving sizes to stay within the range of 200 to 300 calories.

• Whole wheat pita cut into wedges with 2 tablespoons hummus for a dip

• Yogurt parfait: Layer 6 ounces fat-free yogurt, ½ cup berries and ¼ cup granola

• Trail mix: Mix 20 almonds, miniature box of raisins, and ¼ cup sunflower seeds

• Instant oatmeal made with fat-free milk with 1 tablespoon honey, ½ cup sliced peaches and dash of cinnamon

• One 4-ounce fat-free, ready-to-eat vanilla pudding with ½ cup fresh fruit and 5 vanilla wafers

• Veggie pizzas: Split whole wheat English muffin. Top with 2 tablespoons low-fat cream cheese, ½ cup diced fresh veggies and one ounce low-fat mozzarella cheese

• Cinnamon-raisin mini-bagel spread with one tablespoon peanut butter

• Hot chocolate made with low-fat or fat-free milk and a small oatmeal cookie

• Whole-grain toaster waffle with 1 ½ tablespoons chocolate-flavored hazelnut spread

• Banana split: banana sliced length-wise topped with ½ cup frozen yogurt and a tablespoon of chopped nuts

For more healthy eating tips, visit www.eatright.org.

Make Your Own Blarney Stone

Blarney Stone CraftIn this simple project, a smooth river rock is turned into a small, kissable Blarney Stone.In southwestern Ireland, there is a very famous stone, called the Blarney Stone. It is located high up in Blarney Castle. If you kiss the Blarney Stone, it is supposed to give you the gift of eloquence.
Supplies needed:

  • A smooth, clean river rock
  • Brush
  • Green paint
  • Glue
  • Markers
  • Glitter, sequins, plastic jewels, googly eyes, bits of yarn, etc.
Make sure your rock is clean and dry. Paint the rock green.
After the paint is dry, decorate your rock using glitter, sequins, beads, plastic jewels, googly eyes, bits of yarn, or other interesting items.
When the paint and glue are dry, add details (like eyebrows, etc.) using markers.You now have your own small Blarney Stone to help you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

 

Battling Backtalk

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From Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions

Why do kids talk back?
Kids talk back for a variety of reasons. They may be testing your limits or trying to get a reaction. Perhaps they’re hungry, tired or just having a bad day. However, if backtalk is frequent, it’s usually the child’s way of exerting his power and saying “You’re not the boss of me.”

We’re all hard-wired with a need for POSITIVE power -– the ability to have some control over our lives. When parents over-protect, over-demand, or constantly order, correct and direct their kids… they strip them of independence and personal power.

The only way our kids know to respond is to fight back. It’s a basic fight or flight response. They can’t easily flee (your food and shelter are way better than they can afford on their own), so they fight back with backtalk, attitude, negotiating, arguing, stomping away, eye rolling, etc.

All kids, toddlers through teens, seek to exert their independence -– it’s what they’re supposed to do. Our goal as parents is to foster their independence within our limits and without the back talk.

Here are five tips to help you reduce backtalk in your house.

Own your role: Power struggles that lead to backtalk are a two-way street and parents and au pairs also play a starring role. Be aware of your day in and day out communication with your kids (and your spouse, for that matter!) Watch your tone of voice and minimize the amount of ordering, correcting and directing you do. No one wants to be “bossed around” all day and the natural reaction is to fight back.

Remember, it’s not about “winning” the battle. It’s about recognizing that your child needs more control over her life and helping her find ways to have positive power within your boundaries.

Fill the attention basket: Kids of all ages have an attention basket -– plain and simple. If they don’t get sufficient positive attention, they will use negative behaviors to provoke us until they get our attention. From their perspective, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Fill their attention baskets in positive ways by spending one-on-one time with your kids daily. It doesn’t have to be a long time – just 10 minutes when they have your undivided time and attention (if the phone rings, don’t answer… if your Blackberry chirps, let it go.) As you fill their attention baskets positively and proactively, your kids will become more cooperative and less likely to provoke power struggles.

Finding a spare 10 minutes to spend with each child can seem daunting in a busy non-stop life, but think of it as an “investment” in good behavior, a calmer home and less backtalk.


Give power to the people: Find ways to give your people the positive power they need. Provide more choices — within your family boundaries –- so they can have more control over their world. To a toddler, power means choosing between a Batman and Spiderman toothbrush. To a teenager, it can be allowing him to decide which restaurant the family goes to on Saturday night.

Chill out: Don’t overreact! Kids talk back to get a reaction. When you get upset and respond with “you will not talk to me that way, young man”, they score with a power payoff.

Instead, get eye to eye and very calmly say, “I feel hurt/disrespected when you speak to me that way. When I hear that tone of voice, I’m going to walk away. I’ll be happy to talk with you when we can speak to each other respectfully.”

Then – walk away! The next time it happens, don’t remind; don’t say a word. Just calmly walk away. It sends the message, “I won’t participate in this power struggle with you.”

Rule of law: Be very clear about the rules in your house and be equally clear about the consequences if the rules are broken. Then, if kids push the limits, follow through -– each and every time. Parents and au pair don’t have to be harsh or overly strict. They just have to set fair limits, communicate those limits clearly and be consistent in implementing consequences when appropriate.

National Peanut Butter Day

Today is National Peanut Butter Day.  Who would have guessed you can make Peanut Butter Lover’s Day a Craft Day!

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Other Things To Do:

  • Find out more about where peanuts come from.
  • Make home-made peanut butter.
  • Talk about the color brown/tan.
  • Try one of these Open-Faced Peanut Butter Sandwiches.
  • Go on a peanut hunt (hide peanuts all around the room for someone to search for).

How to Say Goodbye Around the World

How to Say Goodbye

The English word “goodbye” is derived from the pharse “God be with you.”  Parting words in other languages are similar. In Spanish, it’s adios (ah-dee-ohs), in French adieu (ah-dyur).  Both words literally mean “to God”.

There are other ways to “goodbye”, however.  English children shout “Cheerio” when parting and in Switzerland. Germany and Italy they say ciao (chow) which is the informal way of saying “goodbye” in Italian.

A wave  of the hand accompanies most goodbyes, at least in the West.  In Japan, people bow when they part, and Hindus press their hands together and say “Namaste”, just as they do when greeting one another.

In some households, in India, it’s considered a bad omen to say “goodbye”.  Instead people say, “go and come back”.  If you are the one leaving , you announce, “I’m going and I will be back.”

How many languages can you teach your host kids to say “goodbye”.  Amaze your host parents at by having the kids say goodbye from around the world at the dinner table.

 

Dr. Seuss Week — A Week to Celebrate Reading

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This week (March 1-5) many schools throughout the United States are celebrating the birthday of Dr. Seuss.  To honor Dr. Seuss’ love of reading and his inspiration for kids and adults alike,   March 3 is Read Across America Day. The National Education Association sponsors events to inspire reading in children throughout our schools and communities.

Dr. Seuss wrote many childrens books – Cat in the Hats, Green Eggs and Ham, Hop on Pop to name a few.  In the cluster monthly Kids Activity Kit for March, there is a Dr.Seuss Reading Rewards Card for each host child.  Punch out the colored dots for each book the children read.  After 15 books, complete the Dr. Seuss Reading Certificate and reward the children with a Dr. Seuss pencil (included in the kit).

My son’s school developed a week of celebrations based on the themes of the Dr. Seuss books.  This is a fun activity to do with your host kids at home.   Dig out the Dr. Seuss books – you will be surprised how much fun the books are to read and the rhyming will help improve your english.

Monday – “Red and White Day” – wear red and white to show Seuss Pride.

Tuesday – “Cat in the Hat Day” – wear your favorite hat to school.

Wednesday – “Grinch Green Day” – wear green, but don’t be as grumpy as the Grinch

Thursday- “Fox in Socks Day” – Roll up your pant legs and show off your cool socks.

Friday – “Sneak Up on Reading Day” – Wear your favorite sneakers and participate in “Drop Everything and Read.”

Check out the Dr. Seuss website

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for more ideas, printables and on line games to play with the kids.  Enjoy!

 

Handling Expenses

Host parents often ask for suggestions on how best to handle common expenses that occur as au pairs are caring for the children.

Miscellaneous Expenses

There are different ways to handle the little day to day expenses that come up.  Things like when an au pair takes the kids out for ice cream or picks up a gallon of milk.  Some families keep a cookie jar fund, a little cash that they set aside weekly or monthly for these types of expenses. Others give their au pair a prepaid debit card for this purpose. Below are some suggestions for avoiding problems with expenses.

Host Families

  • It’s important to be clear about how long this money should last and what types of expenses are approved.
  • Let the au pair know whether or not you expect receipts.

Au Pairs

  • Only spend the money on approved expenses.
  • If it is something you are not sure about, ask first.
  • Put your receipts in the cookie jar in place of the money to avoid any confusion.

Gas and Fare Cards 

Host families are responsible for the au pair’s transportation costs: to and from classes, cluster meetings and when driving the kids.

It is a good idea to figure out how much gas an au pair will use for these trips and either put gas in the car or give a gas allowance.   If your au pair is riding to classes or cluster meetings with another au pair, you should offer to share the cost of gas.

Au pairs are responsible for their own transportation at all other times.  You should replace the amount of gas used for personal use.

Photo: Andrea Travillian

What To Do If You Have A Care Accident.

 

Having a car accident is a very upsetting, stressful situation. Being prepared and knowing what to do can make things a little bit easier. Make sure you know which host parent to call in case of an accident.

Make sure you have all the necessary documents in your car glove box. Read this post on What to Keep in the Car Glove Box for a detailed list.

If you have an accident: (from Edmunds.com)

  1. Keep Safety First. Drivers involved in minor accidents with no serious injuries should move cars to the side of the road and out of the way of oncoming traffic. Leaving cars parked in the middle of the road or busy intersection can result in additional accidents and injuries. If a car cannot be moved, drivers and passengers should remain in the cars with seatbelts fastened for everyone’s safety until help arrives. Make sure to turn on hazard lights and set out cones, flares or warning triangles if possible.
  2. Exchange Information. After the accident, exchange the following information: name, address, phone number, insurance company, policy number, driver license number and license plate number for the driver and the owner of each vehicle. If the driver’s name is different from the name of the insured, establish what the relationship is and take down the name and address for each individual. Also make a written description of each car, including year, make, model and color — and the exact location of the collision and how it happened. Finally, be polite but don’t tell the other drivers or the police that the accident was your fault, even if you think it was.
  3. Photograph and Document the Accident. Use your camera to document the damage to all the vehicles. Keep in mind that you want your photos to show the overall context of the accident so that you can make your case to a claims adjuster. If there were witnesses, try to get their contact information; they may be able to help you if the other drivers dispute your version of what happened.

Important Reminder: You may always phone the police (911) to ask for help, if you feel unsafe because of how the other person is behaving. Your safety is the most important thing.

Image: cygnus921 (Flickr)