Category Archives: Host Family Tips

5 Thanksgiving Tips for Au Pairs & Host Parents

Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November each year. Even though a few other countries also celebrate Thanksgiving, it’s still considered a uniquely American holiday, one that the au pairs look forward to experiencing. You can learn more about it here.

“I really enjoyed Thanksgiving with my host family. It was as I imagined! So much food to try. Everyone got dressed up and shared what they were thankful for. It was so warm and special. The next day we began to prepare for Christmas. It was magical.” Selina from Germany

Below you will find some tips to help you have a terrific Thanksgiving experience.

 

Host Parents

1.  Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration, if at all possible. Thanksgiving with an au pair offers an opportunity to consider the relevance of the history and meaning of Thanksgiving as you compare the hospitality offered by the Native Americans to the recently arrived Pilgrims and the hospitality you offer your au pair.

2.  If you are traveling or will not be able to invite your au pair to join you for Thanksgiving, give her plenty of notice and help her make alternate plans. You don’t want to leave your au pair alone over the holiday.

Au Pairs

3.  If you are invited to attend dinner, please let your family know within 5 days of the invitation, whether you are planning to attend. It is considered rude in America to accept the invitation for dinner and then change your mind later in the month. Please be thoughtful.

4.  Make sure to discuss time off during this holiday weekend. Many host families work the Friday after Thanksgiving so do not assume you have this day off or the entire weekend. Talk to your host family, BEFORE you make any plans.

5.  If your host family is unable to include you in their Thanksgiving plans, please let me know if you have trouble making other plans. You may be able to join a friend and their host family for the holiday dinner.

Bonus Tip for the Kids

If you are looking for a fun recipe to make with your au pair, check out these turkey cupcakes. Find more fun activities and recipes on the Au Pair in America Fall Holidays pinboard.

Photo: Tim Sackton (Flickr)

Preventing Dehydration in Hot Weather

Dehydration means that the body lacks the necessary amount of fluid. Infants and small children are more likely to become dehydrated than older children or adults, because they can lose relatively more fluid quickly.

Here are some steps to take to make sure children remain hydrated in the summer months:

  • Encourage your child to drink plenty of water. On hot days, children should drink significantly more water than usual, as they are losing more due to the heat.
  • Do not wait until your child is thirsty to give him water. By the time they feel thirsty, they are already becoming dehydrated.
  • If your child is resistant to drinking enough water, have other liquids on hand for your child to drink throughout the day.
  • Be alert to changes in behavior. A child may act confused or more irritable when they are becoming dehydrated/overheated. Get them into cooler temperatures and drinking more fluids.
  • Dress your child in lightweight clothing in the summer months, particularly if she’ll be playing outdoors in warm weather. You may also consider clothes that are well ventilated as they do not trap heat close to the body.
  • When there are heat and/or air quality advisories because the weather is dangerously hot, you should avoid taking the children outdoors. Check with your host parents for further guidance on this topic.

Remember to follow these tips for yourself too, so you stay well hydrated.

Photo: Darwin Bell (Flickr)

Handling Expenses

Host parents often ask for suggestions on how best to handle common expenses that occur as au pairs are caring for the children.

Miscellaneous Expenses

There are different ways to handle the little day to day expenses that come up.  Things like when an au pair takes the kids out for ice cream or picks up a gallon of milk.  Some families keep a cookie jar fund, a little cash that they set aside weekly or monthly for these types of expenses. Others give their au pair a prepaid debit card for this purpose. Below are some suggestions for avoiding problems with expenses.

Host Families

  • It’s important to be clear about how long this money should last and what types of expenses are approved.
  • Let the au pair know whether or not you expect receipts.

Au Pairs

  • Only spend the money on approved expenses.
  • If it is something you are not sure about, ask first.
  • Put your receipts in the cookie jar in place of the money to avoid any confusion.

Gas and Fare Cards 

Host families are responsible for the au pair’s transportation costs: to and from classes, cluster meetings and when driving the kids.

It is a good idea to figure out how much gas an au pair will use for these trips and either put gas in the car or give a gas allowance.   If your au pair is riding to classes or cluster meetings with another au pair, you should offer to share the cost of gas.

Au pairs are responsible for their own transportation at all other times.  You should replace the amount of gas used for personal use.

Photo: Andrea Travillian

Work hours clarified

I have had a number of questions recently related to what an au pair’s duties and responsibilities are and how the hours are to be calculated.  So, I decided to publish this for clarification.  I hope you find this useful.

Federal Regulation Sec. 62.31 Au Pairs (j) Wages and Hours


Sponsors shall require those au pair participants:


(1) Are compensated at a weekly rate based upon 45 hours of child care services per week and paid in conformance with the requirements of the Fair Labor Standards Act as interpreted and implemented by the United States Department of Labor.

(2) Do not provide more than 10 hours of child care per day or more than 45 hours of child care in any one-week.

(3) Receive a minimum of one and one half days off per week in addition to one complete weekend off each month; and

(4) Receive two weeks of paid vacation.

Au Pair in America’s Policy:

· A day and a half off means twenty-four hours in which the au pair does not work at all, plus twenty-four hours in which she works no more than half of her normal workday (not to exceed five hours).

· The au pair is entitled to one full weekend off per month. A complete weekend off begins Friday evening and ends Monday when the au pair’s regular schedule resumes.

· Au pairs are to provide care only to the children of their host parents and housework as it relates to the children; they may not accept or engage in any other employment opportunities in or out of the host family’s home.

Calculating hours:

An au pair is considered to be working if she has full responsibility for the children. Therefore if the children are in bed, and the au pair also goes to bed, she is still on duty if she is expected to take care of any situation or emergency that may arise with the children. Similarly, taking the children to school or walking them to the bus stop needs to be calculated as part of her working hours.  Additionally, anytime the au pair is engaged in duties related to the children (tidying up their rooms, making their meals, preparing lunches, doing their laundry, cleaning up the dishes, sweeping the floor after meal time, etc this time is to be calculated as part of her 45 hours.

The definition of “free time” is if an au pair has absolutely no child care responsibility. It is important to note that au pairs who are “on call” with beepers or cell phones are not technically on “free time.” On call hours are counted as part of the forty-five hour maximum.

Au pairs are to receive a day and a half off each week. If the au pair requests that she not work on her Sabbath, this should be her day off each week. Although Federal Regulation does not require it, au pairs will be happiest if their time off is on the weekend. The day and the half day need not be consecutive, for example an au pair could have Saturday as her half-day, work not more than 5 hours Saturday evening and then have Sunday off. A half day off from work means that the work part of the day not exceed half of her usual work day.

Weekend off: Au pairs are entitled to one weekend off each month from Friday night to Monday morning, for a minimum of twelve weekends off during the year. It is best if this is agreed upon in advance.

Responsibilities:

Au pairs may be responsible for the children’s laundry; children’s meals – preparation and clean-up; tidying children’s rooms, bathroom and play areas; Driving the children.

Au pairs may not: Do laundry for the whole family; Be required to care for pets; Do housework unrelated to the children or care for anyone past their 18th birthday. When the au pair participates in family routines (such as meals) it is reasonable to expect that she will help with preparation or clean-up, to the same degree that host parents participate. This is not to be exploited; she is to be considered as a member of the family, not as a domestic.

Pool Safety

Parents and families can build on their current safety systems at pools and spas by adopting additional water safety steps. Adding as many proven water safety steps as possible is the best way to assure a safe and fun experience, because you can never know which one might save a child’s life—until it does.
  • Never leave a child unattended in a pool or spa and always watch your child when he or she is in or near water
  • Teach children basic water safety tips
  • Keep children away from pool drains, pipes and other openings to avoid entrapments
  • Have a telephone close by when you or your family is using a pool or spa
  • If a child is missing, look for him or her in the pool or spa first
  • Share safety instructions with family, friends and neighbors
  • Learn how to swim and teach your child how to swim
  • Learn to perform CPR on children and adults, and update those skills regularly
  • Understand the basics of life-saving so that you can assist in a pool emergency.

If you own a pool or spa:

  • Install a four-foot or taller fence around the pool and spa and use self-closing and self-latching gates; ask your neighbors to do the same at their pools.
  • Install and use a lockable safety cover on your spa.
  • If your house serves as a fourth side of a fence around a pool, install door alarms and always use them. For additional protection, install window guards on windows facing pools or spas.
  • Install pool and gate alarms to alert you when children go near the water
  • Ensure any pool and spa you use has compliant drain covers, and ask your pool service provider if you do not know
  • Maintain pool and spa covers in good working order
  • Consider using a surface wave or underwater alarm

From http://www.poolsafely.gov/parents-families/simple-steps-save-lives/ and iaff523.org

Top 7 parenting tips

Enhance your parent-child relationship by focusing on the following essentials:

  • Love your child and praise them frequently so that they feel valued and wanted.
  • Set clear boundaries so that your child knows where they stand.
  • Provide them with clear routines and structure so that they feel safe and know what to expect.
  • Be consistent in your approach so that they learn the behavior well.
  • Reward your child for being good, trying hard or doing well to build their self-esteem.
  • Follow through with clear consequences if they misbehave, so that they learn from their mistakes.
  • Give them cuddles and affection at every opportunity so that they know they are loved.

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/7-top-parenting-tips1.htm

Photo from myncap.org

What does my au pair do at orientation?

Au Pair in America provides a comprehensive Orientation for all our au pairs before they go out to their host families.  When each au pair arrives at the NY airport, she is welcomed and transported to the the Hilton Doubletree Hotel in Tarrytown, NY.  There she is met by an Au Pair in America Orientation staff member, given some valuable information, room assignment and a chance to check into her room for rest. Three full days follow started each day with early wake up calls.   The importance of being on time is emphasized so the meeting run smoothly and au pairs learn to understand the importance of time in America.

998798_10152025733573792_1279016968_n[1]Noelle from Germany was welcomed to America by their Community Counselor, Cindy Garruba.  She is going to a family in Pt. Jefferson, LI, NY and will be joining a cluster of about 30 au pairs.

At Orientation the agenda includes:

  • An Introduction the United States and Au Pair in America
  • “The Three No’s” – No drugs, no alcohol under 18 and never while driving or caring for children, no child abuse (Au Pairs are sent home if they abuse drugs, alcohol or children!!)
  • The Role of the Community Counselor
  • Living in America – Cultural adaptation and communication with their American families
  • Childcare safety and media
  • American Red Cross Child Safety Workshop
  • The American Family
  • Child Care in America – managing American Children – Communication and discipline
  • Living in America – auto insurance and health insurance
    Au Pairs during Red Cross training at Orientaion

    Au Pairs during Red Cross training at Orientaion

They also have 3 meals a day, time to socialize with the other au pairs and the Orientation Staff.  There is even an evening tour of NYC!  Au Pairs submit questions anonymously all week and every question is answered by the staff to the group before they go home.

Au Pairs leave Orientation on Day 4 at 3 PM and head out to 35 states and hundreds of host families.  Everyone is excited to depart and begin a year as an Au Pair in America!

Are we there yet?

0703_FF_family_travel


Ideas for making those car trips memorable in the very best way:

1. WINDOW AS CANVAS If you don’t mind wiping the windows, let the kids use dry-erase markers to color pictures. Kids love to play tic-tac-toe. A baby wipe clears it up fast — makes the kids great travelers.

2. FOR VERY YOUNG ONES Pick up two clipboards at the dollar store to draw on. Tear pages out of coloring books and bring plain white paper. Let them use crayons – not as messy as markers. Also bring along some favorite lost and forgotten figurines from the bottom of the toy box. It was fun and quiet.

3. TAPES & ZIPLOCS Bring for each child lap desks for coloring, and individual snacks packed in their own Ziploc snack bags, and lots of sing-along tapes.

4. WIRED FOR PLAY Borrow a small tv/vcr and hook it up in the car so the kids can watch movies.With Red box or Blockbuster you can borrow them here and return along the way at other locations. Let them bring headphones and tapes or CDs they like. Get a couple of books on tape for the youngest kids that they really liked to listen to. The oldest can bring cards to play (like Uno, Go FIsh, a regular deck). Also pack a Frisbee, ball and gloves, and some bubbles in an easy-to-get-to place, so when stopping at a rest area you can all get a little exercise.

5. BOOKS & ACTIVITY BAGS Make a trip to the library and let each child pick out a couple of books for the ride. Pack an activity bag that straps onto the seat in front of the kids that are stocked with papers for drawing, activity books, and colored pencils (crayons melt in hot cars). Also bring a family activity bag with small magnetic games like checkers, Chinese checkers, etc.

6. MODEL MAGIC Take a couple of packages of multi-colored pipe cleaners and several packages of Crayola Model Magic which sticks to itself but not to the interior of the car or the kids’ clothes, it doesn’t blend unless the kids make it blend. Any little crumbles can just be brushed out or vacuumed away.

7. NIGHTTIME TRAVEL Even if it is a baby toy, kids have fun with ANYTHING that lights up. The dollar store has neon glow bracelets and sticks (the kind you’d purchase at an amusement park or nighttime parade) that kids can connect and make bracelets or necklaces out of. Glow-in-the-dark star stickers are fun to get out too. Have them use their mini-flashlights on them to get them to shine. They can stick them above their seat in the car (if they are big enough), or you can have them do it before it gets dark when stopping for gasoline or something quick.

8. TRAVEL JOURNALS Create travel journals in a 3-prong folder. Print off info — state bird, state flag, state capital — on the states you will be vacationing in (and also driving through) from state Web sites. Print out coloring pages from free Web sites on subjects having to do with those states (a moose for Maine, seashells for the beach). And to stop the dreaded “Are we there yet?”print out a map of our route and highlight the roads, marking off the parts as we complete them.Take all of the printables, add a few sheets of lined paper, and start each new section of the journal with “Our Trip to … Summer 2012.” Then the kids add what time we left, where we stopped, what we saw on the way, etc. They now have a collection of memories in one folder of all our trips.

9. TRAVEL BINGO Purchase auto bingo boards for sale, or just make them yourself and get the kids to help out.

10. SMALL SURPRISES Prepare small gifts along the way to keep the children occupied. Wrap them and tell the kids they will receive a gift if they are well behaved until the next stop.

11. CAR LICENSE GAME Play the car license game with them. Older kids can identify the states, and younger ones can look for the different colors, letters or numbers.

12. MAD LIBS Buy some Mad Libs. The kids will take turns filling in the answers and will love reading the funny stories

Tips for host families expecting their second au pair

You probably remember all this, but just in case…here are a few reminders to help you get started with your next au pair… Let me know if you need anything else.

You make flight arrangements for your AP from any one of the 3 big NY airports. Any flight that leaves at 6 p.m. or later on the day she is coming to you (usually Thursday). Send flight info to the orientation staff.  You may also email the info to your AP, but orientation gets what she needs to her.  Then they take them to the proper airport.

  • Did the office send you a fresh copy of “Guidelines…for a successful year”?  Please be sure you have one and review it before you AP comes. When your AP questions you, the answer will be in print to show her. Let me know if you don’t have one.
  • In making her room “hers”, some families have copied a photo from the au pair’s application and framed it and put it in her bedroom with some flowers or a small plant.
  • Mark her birthday on your calendar.  This is a big day for homesickness; make it good.
  • Ask her to mark her country’s special occasions (like our Thanksgiving and Fourth of July) on the calendar- then let her cook and teach you about it on that day. It will be emotionally helpful to her, and a great cultural learning experience for your family.
  • I suggest you send a welcome package to her at orientation. (Include a picture of your family so she will recognize you at the airport). If you need ideas, give me a call or shoot me an email.  Some people like calling Laura Blersch at Orientation and buying her the NYC Tour ($65) the au pairs can take on Wednesday night of their orientation.  Her direct line is 203-399-5042.  The address at their orientation is: Her Name, c/o APIA, c/o Sheraton Hotel, 700 E. Main St., Stamford, CT 06901. Put her NY arrival date on the bottom left corner of the envelope.
  • BE SURE SHE KNOWS YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER and that she knows that to use a pay phone, you must dial a “1” before the area code and number.  Sometimes flights are delayed or they have gotten lost at the airport (one rematch missed her flight) and they need to know how to contact you if you aren’t at home.
  • Don’t talk about work the first night- just about her and her family and you and your family and how was your flight and how was orientation and all that…
  • Let her sleep late the first day.
  • Remember she cannot be alone with your children for the first 3 days.
  • Inside your orientation folder, there is a Child Care Questionnaire.  Please go through this with your new au pair during the three day training period.  It will help her a lot and remind you of things she need to know.
  • Remember she doesn’t know America. She might not know how to use the shower or toilet or stove or the alarm clock or anything… make no assumptions.  In France, they keep the milk on the shelf. If your current au pair is still there, let her show her these things.  Dish detergent doesn’t go in the dishwasher.  Teach her to turn the water off if the toilet is leaking or overflowing. (and tell her how important it is to tell you if it is)
  • Remember she might be very homesick at first… or she might not be homesick for 3 months.
  • Take her for a drive the first weekend and show her around town.  Later, let her drive you somewhere and see how she does.  If she is drives well enough, let her start driving with you in the car or by herself (but not with kids yet) to the store or school or other places.  She needs to know her way around somewhat before she drives with your kids. (FYI- APs love GPSes for obvious reasons)
  • Make some rules.  Car rules. Your gas plan. House rules. Company rules. Family rules. Tell her these rules will be in effect for the first two months, and then the two or three of you will sit down and talk about them and adjust as needed (like 2 or 3 months) RULES ARE EASIER TO TAKE AWAY THAN TO ADD.
  • Remember you are responsible for allowing time and gas money to cluster meetings and school.
  • She has to have been in the US for two weeks before she can apply for a social security card (so that APIA will have let the Department of State know she’s here).  Whether or not your AP gets a license is up to you and/or your insurance company.
  • Speaking of SS, the US is now keeping a closer watch on having au pairs pay income tax (not SS). This is their responsibility, not yours
  • If you just really loved and are losing ‘the perfect au pair’, remember, this new au pair won’t be perfect- she’s new- it’s all strange- she has to learn it all.  The ‘old’ girl wasn’t perfect at first either. Give it a couple of months. (It’s hard to follow up a really great au pair).

Building positive self esteem in your children

Most American parents want their children to be independent and responsible, and have a positive image of themselves. A child’s self image is based on how the child sees himself or herself. This is called self-esteem. It is defined by the judgments children make about their own self worth. Self-esteem can be positive or negative. In America, positive self-esteem is very important.

A child may have positive or high self-esteem at different points in his/her life and negative or low self-esteem at other times. Most preschool-aged children typically have very high self-esteem. As children get older, their peers become more critical of each other and can affect a child’s self-esteem. As children move into the elementary school and middle school their self-esteem can decrease for a period of time due to the criticism from their friends.

There are several ways for parents and au pairs to build positive self-esteem in children and have them feel good about themselves. The suggestions include:

  1. Providing warmth, support and praise
  2. Using positive discipline
  3. Being responsive to a child’s needs
  4. Having reasonable, age-appropriate expectations of a child
  5. Developing and enforcing consistent limits
  6. Providing opportunities for a child to make choices
  7. Providing opportunities for a child to explore, investigate and problem-solve
  8. Encouraging a child to be responsible for their actions
  9. Expressing interest in a child and his or her activities.
  10. Helping a child handle disappointment and failure.
  11. Providing opportunities for a child to succeed.
  12. Providing opportunities for a child to help other people.