Category Archives: Au Pair Tips

Avoiding Homesickness in the Holiday Season

Homesickness can be a problem during the holidays, even if it hasn’t been at any other time of the year. Au pairs often miss their friends and family, familiar places, and their own traditions and customs. The holiday activities in the United States seem, and may actually be, different just at a time when an au pair would welcome something familiar.

It is common for au pairs’ emotions to be close to the surface during the holidays. Her highs are higher, her lows are lower. The enormity of what she has done–actually living in another country (which is an amazing thing when you think about it!)–hits her and throws her into a self-protective mode.

Au Pairs, there are things you can do to reduce homesickness during the holidays. It is important to balance your activities to feel connected to your family back home and your traditions but also embrace new customs and experiences here in the U.S.

Lina and her friend enjoying one of the most popular celebrations of the year in Colombia. “Every December 7, Colombian families get together with very close friends to light several candles thinking about wishes for the coming year such as health, prosperity, love and happiness. It is also very traditional to share typical food from the region, and what can never be missing is wine and cookies.”

Share your traditions with your host family and friends. Each country has its own special holiday customs. Being friends with other au pairs, you can not only learn about the U.S. but also how other countries celebrate. When you talk with your family back home, you can share some of the new holiday experiences you are having. That can help lessen the feeling of missing out on moments at home by reminding you that you are here in the U.S. for a short time and you are making memories that will last a lifetime.

Host Parents can help her through this unfamiliar territory by talking to her about what your specific family activities will be (gifts, meals, visitors, religious services, in-home traditions, or none of these, as the case may be.) In the spirit of cultural exchange, ask her if she has any favorite holiday traditions or foods that you might be able to incorporate into your family’s celebration of the season. Let her know what you will be doing when you will be doing it, and what she can expect. Talk to her about what has to be accomplished and get her involved and interested. Don’t expect her to just “know” what needs to be done. Give her some clear, agreed-upon assignments. Make her feel a part of things. And, let her know her contribution is needed and appreciated.

Photo: Lina Cabeza Paez

Winter Sports & Sports Insurance

Trying out winter sports like ice skating, skiing, and snowboarding can be very exciting, especially if this is your first time experiencing winter weather. However, you should also know the risks and be prepared.

Is it risky to do winter sports without sports insurance?

Yes. If you have to pay your own hospital bills for a broken bone, you might be shocked at how much that would cost. I checked this website for some cost estimates.

Here are a couple examples:

  • Without medical coverage, treating a broken arm or leg (that does not require surgery) could cost up to $2,500.
  • Without medical coverage, treating a broken arm or leg (requiring surgery) could cost $16,000 or more.

You must understand how your medical coverage works for sports-related injuries. There is a list of “high-risk sports/activities” that are not covered by basic or upgrade medical insurance plans. Those activities are only covered by the Sports Insurance Package. (Snowtubing is the only snow sport that you already have coverage for without the sports insurance package.)

The Sports Insurance was available pre-departure and may also be purchased at any time during your year. It takes effect within 48 hours of your enrollment and is good for 12 months. The cost will be the same ($115 for 2024) whether you have a month left or your whole year ahead of you. I recommend you pay for it early on if you haven’t already purchased it. You never know when an opportunity might present itself and you don’t want to miss out on an adventure. You also don’t want to risk getting injured and being responsible for the bill on your own.

Below is a partial list of sports that are only covered by the sports insurance package:
Football, Rugby, Scuba diving, Ski-doo,  Wakeboarding, Skydiving, Parachuting, Rock climbing, Zipline, Skateboarding, Rollerblading, Roller skating,  Ice Skating, Skiing, Snowboarding, Snowmobiles and Snowshoeing.  View the full list on your insurance brochure.

Note: Injuries sustained while partaking in these sports are ONLY covered with the purchase of Sports Insurance.

How to register for the Sports Insurance

To enroll in sports insurance, use the link found in the email sent to you with the subject “Au Pair in America Sports Insurance Upgrade Option”. Ask your community counselor if you are having trouble finding the email with the sports insurance enrollment link.

If you think you will be doing any of these sports, you should get it now.

Clothing & Accessories to Keep You Warm in the Winter

I did a blog post in October called Preparing for Cold Weather, with some general tips on layering and the kind of things you can get to stay warm. I encourage you to check that out and then come back here for specific suggestions for clothing items.

Even though I have lived in this part of the U.S. my entire life, I get cold very easily. So, I can understand how difficult it is for many of you from warm climates to get motivated to go outside when the temperatures drop below 10°C. But winter is just beginning and staying at home too much can lead to homesickness and depression. There are a few warm pieces of clothing you can get that can make all the difference.

Thermal Underwear Sets

Thermal Underwear sets are long-sleeve shirts and pants that are meant to be worn under other clothes to add warmth. This is a simple place to start.

You can search “thermal underwear set”. Here are examples for men and women.

Under Skirts and Dresses

I wore a dress on Wednesday when it was 4° C (39°F) and had several people ask me how I was not freezing. The secret is fleece-lined tights. They are actually warmer than a pair of jeans or any other typical pants.

You can find these on Amazon and many other online retailers. Here are the search terms to use: “fleece lined tights” or “thermal tights”. They come in solid black and some other colors, as well as some styles that look like sheer tights or bare legs, depending on your skin tone.

Here is one example that comes in a variety of skin tones and colors. When searching be aware that not all fleece-lined tights are as thick and warm. Look for pairs with lining like those below.

Under Jeans and Pants

You can also buy less expensive pairs of nylon leggings and tights to wear under other pairs of pants (especially distressed-style jeans with rips!). They are not as warm as the fleece-lined tights but they are snug enough to fit easily under other pants and combined with jeans or pants they keep you pretty warm. The more tightly woven the fabric the warmer it will normally keep you. Cotton is not as warm as nylon and polyester fabrics.

You probably already have some of these you were wearing by themselves. Try them under a pair of jeans and see how much warmer you feel. Here is one example, but you can find these at many clothing retailers.

Under Shirts & Sweaters

Just adding a simple long-sleeved T-shirt under another shirt will add warmth. You can get long-sleeved T-shirts inexpensively at places like Walmart. But there are also warmer long-sleeve shirts that are made to provide additional warmth under shirts and sweaters. Here are the search terms to use: “Long sleeve thermal top” or “Long sleeve fleece lined top”.

Here is one example that comes in several basic colors. But, remember you’ll be covering this up with other shirts, so you can probably get away with just buying a simple black, gray, or white shirt that will go with everything.

Hats, Gloves, & Scarves 

Even if you have the rest of your body dressed warmly, if you leave your head, neck, or hands uncovered or minimally covered you will still feel cold. You can get all of these items at local stores and online. Again look for tightly woven fabrics as they keep you warmer and let in less chill from the wind. Here is a basic set on Amazon.

Thermal Socks & Boots

You can find thermal socks that will keep your feet very warm. Here is one example. Winter boots can provide warmth and many styles are waterproof. These can be purchased online, at local stores, and at thrift stores (resell used items for a discounted cost). If you are wearing warm boots, you may only need to buy a fluffy/thick pair of socks that you can get inexpensively at lots of local retailers and online.

 Jackets, Coats, Snow Pants

It goes without saying that you will need to wear a warm jacket or coat over your clothes throughout the winter. These can be purchased online, at local stores, and at thrift stores (resell used items for a discounted cost).

If you will be outside in snow or very cold temperatures for an extended time, you can also purchase snow pants or snow bib overalls. They go over other pants and are both insulated and waterproof. Here are some examples for men and women.

Note: I am including links to help you see examples. I am not recommending any one retailer or brand over another and this is not a sponsored post.

Making Thanksgiving Memories Together

Thanksgiving is a public holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November every year in the United States. It started as a harvest festival and has been celebrated nationally on and off since 1789.  The most important part of Thanksgiving for American families is to spend family time together.

Martin Cathrae

 

“My favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. Firstly, it was my first holiday with the whole family in America. Secondly, the whole family came together. All aunts and uncles and their kids came to grandma’s. We played football with all of them, including grandma and grandpa. It was the first time I played it and it was so much fun for all. We had a great dinner with all the typical things you can imagine … it was deeeelicious! It was so great to be with such a big family and I really enjoyed that day. I will remember it my whole life, I hope.” – Swantje from Germany

Here are a few tips to help you have a terrific Thanksgiving experience.

Host Parents
Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration, if at all possible. If you are traveling or will not be able to invite your au pair to join you for Thanksgiving, give her plenty of notice and help her make alternate plans. You don’t want to leave your au pair alone over the holiday.

Au Pairs
If you are invited to attend dinner, please let your family know within 5 days of the invitation, whether you are planning to attend, so they may make plans. If your host family is unable to include you in their Thanksgiving plans, please let me know if you have trouble making other plans, so I can assist.

Make sure to discuss time off during this holiday weekend. Many host families work the Friday after Thanksgiving so do not assume you have this day off or the entire weekend. Talk to your host family, BEFORE you make any plans.

Bonus Tip for the Kids
If you are looking for a fun recipe to make with your au pair, check out these turkey cookies. Find more fun activities and recipes on the Au Pair in America Fall Holidays pinboard.

Surviving & Thriving in the Holiday Season

The fall/winter holiday season is most often a time of joy and excitement. However, it can also be a time of stress and disappointment for both host families and au pairs.

Here are some ideas and insights that will hopefully help you avoid stress and disappointment and share more of the joy and excitement!

Holiday Work Schedules

Miscommunication over the schedule is the #1 issue for host families and au pairs over the holidays. As a reminder to assist with scheduling, program guidelines state an au pair can work up to 45 hours per week and no more than 10 hours per day. Hours cannot be carried from week to week. Please take the time to discuss your schedules and expectations.

The au pair program regulations do not have requirements for au pairs to be given holidays off. However, in the spirit of the program and since most parents will be at home spending time with their children, the majority of host families give au pairs some or all of the winter holidays off Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day. Please discuss this so that everyone is clear about the schedule when making holiday plans.

Religion

For au pairs with religious beliefs different from your own, you may choose to encourage them to share the associated traditions with your family. If you are not comfortable with this aspect of cultural exchange, your au pair may need your help as well as appropriate time off to participate in their own holiday traditions. Enabling them to do this is very important. Their holiday or time to celebrate the holiday may not be the same as yours; try to take this into consideration if you can when you make their work schedule. You may find that there is no conflict in giving their time off if their traditions are different, and it can relieve a great deal of anxiety to take their preferences into consideration. If you do need your au pair to work during the holiday, please tell them way in advance so that it is not a surprise. Help them to see this as a positive aspect of the cultural exchange if she will be actively sharing in the holiday celebration.

Changes to Routine

The dynamics of established relationships and routines change during the holiday. The high emotions and energy of the children (compared to their more reasonable behavior during the rest of the year) may seem like craziness to the au pair. Assure them that this new set of behaviors is temporary and the household will be back to normal soon. In the meantime, suggest specific things she can do to help. Encourage them to roll with the punches and enjoy the craziness. Also, the number of gifts, food, decorations, etc., can be unfamiliar and overwhelming. Try to include the au pair in some quiet, meaningful time together when the true spirit of the holidays is shared.

These are important days ahead. This is perhaps the greatest opportunity of the year to respect and learn about cultural differences, which is, indeed, one of the basic elements of the Au Pair in America program. There will be fun-filled memories. This should be a time of love and understanding. Please do your part to make that happen.

Wishing you every happiness of the season!

Photo: Sean Hobson

Preparing for Cold Weather

We’re in that time of year when Maryland temperatures start dipping a little lower. It can be 70°F (21°C) one day and 40°F (4°C) the next. But, that doesn’t mean you need to hide indoors. There are lots of ways to stay warm and enjoy the outdoors through fall and winter.

There is a Scandinavian saying…

If you come from a warmer climate this may sound impossible to you. Over the years I have noticed that the temperature difference is much easier on those who have a gradual adjustment. It allows your body time to adjust to the lower temperatures. So, that’s the good news for all of you who are already here. Your body is already getting adjusted, give your mind a chance to stay open to enjoying the outdoors.

The next thing to do is get yourself the proper clothing and accessories. Start shopping for cold weather clothing: sweater, coat, gloves, hat, scarf, long underwear & boots. Ask your host family if they have some you can use and/or if there are items they are planning to provide for you before you start to make purchases. Then start looking out for sales and checking thrift shops. Take a look at what you already have and think of ways to layer it. A long sleeve t-shirt under a sweatshirt may be as warm as a jacket. A pair of leggings or tights under a pair of jeans adds a lot of warmth. Search on YouTube and TikTok for videos giving more layering suggestions.

It may also help to remind yourself that people in other parts of the U.S. and other countries experience much colder temperatures than we do and are still able to enjoy the outdoors.

Pick your activities carefully. If you are sitting next to a fire pit or doing physical activity you will feel warmer. When you take the kids to the playground or out in the snow, don’t sit on the bench and watch. You will feel warmer and have more fun if you are actively involved and have fun with them.

If you have tips on enjoying the cold weather, please share them!

CONTEST: The first au pair in our cluster to message Christine or Lisa with their favorite cold-weather activity will win a prize! (Contest Closed – We have a winner)

Image: Canva.com

Where to Get Your Flu Shot

Many au pairs and host families are looking for places to get flu shots this time of year. Your au pair medical insurance does NOT cover preventive care like vaccines. But there are lots of places to get flu shots for free or a small fee.

If a host family is urging their au pair to get the seasonal flu shot and she agrees to get it, the host family would be responsible for the expense.

If you are planning to get the seasonal flu vaccine, it is recommended that you get it as early as possible. Below are some links to help you decide where to go for a flu shot.

County and State Health Departments

I have been told that Kaiser Permanente is offering free flu shots as well.

Local Pharmacies

Flu shots are also available for a fee at local pharmacies. Because your medical insurance plan doesn’t cover vaccines, you should not present your insurance card. You need to ask for the price without insurance. With GoodRX offers, the flu shot is available for $25 and up.

Avoid Falling Victim to Scammers

There are always people out there who are looking for ways to trick people out of their money and personal information. Below I will explain some scams and how to protect yourself.

 

SCAM #1 – Calls asking for your PIN, password, personal information, or payment.

  • Your bank will not call you and ask you for your PIN number or password.
  • IRS and Social Security Administration will not ask you for payment or personal info over the phone. Government agencies usually handle issues like this by sending a letter.
  • The number shown on the caller ID can be manipulated, don’t take that as a sign that a call is legitimate.

What to do? Whenever you are in doubt, hang up and call the bank (or company) directly using a number you already have for them.

SCAM #2 – Email asking you to click a link to verify your personal information or share your password or PIN.

  • Be very suspicious of emails asking you to click links.
  • Scammers are very good at creating official-looking emails and web pages.

What to do? Whenever you are in doubt, go directly to the website (not using the link in the email).

SCAM #3 – You see an offer online telling you to send them some money and they will double it or a pop-up ad says that you have won a great prize and just need to give them your information.

  • When something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

What to do? Do not give your personal information or any money to people you don’t know.

SCAM #4– You receive a call and you are told to stay on the phone while you go transfer or withdraw money from the bank and if you don’t you will be arrested or your bank account seized.

  • They are using the idea that this is an urgent situation to make you act quickly without thinking to avoid the consequence they have told you.

What to do? Do not follow their instructions.

Whenever you are in doubt, do not do as the caller or email asks. Check with your host parents or community counselor.

One last note on protecting your personal information…

It is very important to keep your social security number private. 

There are very few situations where you will need to share this (bank, IRS, department of motor vehicles). Those are times you are taking an action and need to provide it. At other times, leave your Social Security card safe at home. There is not a legitimate time when someone would be calling you on the phone or emailing you asking for that number.

Image: Canva.com

What are the Rules for Holidays?

There are no regulations requiring  host families to give au pairs any specific holidays off. In the spirit of the au pair program, many host families will give their au pair the day off on major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, July 4th). Most au pairs look forward to sharing holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas with their host families to truly experience American family life.

There are other federal holidays (usually on Mondays), when many offices and sometimes schools are closed. These are regular workdays for an au pair, unless their host parents tell them otherwise.

There are also days when the children will be home from school. These can be on holidays, special work days for teachers or closures due to bad weather. Host parents and au pairs should review the calendar sent home from school and mark these on the family calendar and/or au pair work schedule. It’s a good idea for au pairs to plan some activities to occupy children who are at home. Keeping kids occupied and engaged can prevent boredom and sibling squabbles.

Au Pairs – Please check with your host parents before you assume you have any holiday off. Do not make any travel plans until you have received confirmation that you will not work on this day.

Host Parents – Please let your au pair know in advance when she will have a holiday off or a day when kids will be home from school, so she may plan accordingly. When there are school days off,  be sure to make adjustments to your au pair’s work schedule  to stay within the State Department regulations: not exceeding 10 hours per day or 45 hours per week (or 30 hours per week for Educare).

Photo: Dafne Cholet

Hints for Success – Homesickness/Culture Shock

Almost everyone experiences culture shock and homesickness when they come to a completely new environment. Everything is different: the language, the food, and the people.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for
Dealing with Homesickness

1. Make friends – Don’t wait for other au pairs to reach out to you, reach out to them. There are other new au pairs who are feeling the same way you are right now. Set a goal to reach out to a few of them each day. Some will respond and some will not. Don’t let that discourage you. No one will ever be mad at you for sending them a message to say hello or ask if they want to do something together. Make friends from various countries and you will also get a chance to practice your English skills together.

2. Stay in touch with your home country, but not too much. Skyping or talking on the phone every day with your family and/or friends back home normally makes homesickness worse. Try texting instead and reduce the Skype and phone calls to once a week, until you feel stronger. It’s much harder seeing the faces and hearing the voices of those you miss.

3. Get out of the house (or your room specifically) – Go to cluster meetings, have coffee, go to the park, and/or go places with other au pairs. If someone invites you out, say “yes” whenever possible. Also, don’t be afraid to do the inviting. If your host family invites you to do things with them, say “yes.” This will help you get to know each other and contribute to your overall happiness.

4. Share your culture with your host family – If you are missing some favorite foods from home, find ways that you can make them here and share them with your host family. There are many international markets in our area, you should be able to find most of the ingredients you need. If you are not really a cook, search online for restaurants and bakeries that have a taste of home. Your host family is probably just as excited to learn about your culture as you are to learn about America.

5. Make plans – Create your own Au Pair Bucket List (places you want to go, new foods to try, new things to experience during your year in the U.S.) and start doing them now. Post on our cluster Facebook or WhatsApp group to find others who may want to join you on your adventures.

Realize that it definitely gets easier with time.

All au pairs experience homesickness to some extent and nearly all of them stay and have a successful year (some stay for two years.) So, it must get better, right? Once you get past the initial homesickness, most au pairs report how quickly the year goes by.

Photo by:  Shimelle Laine (Flickr)