Author Archives: Maria Clements

Big Kids Need Interaction Too

Just because a child is old enough to occupy themselves, doesn’t mean that they should be expected to do so the majority of the time.  Host families have a certain expectation of activity and involvement for their children. Get the kids engaged and active. You can be more fun than the TV or a video game.

Problem:
But, my kids don’t want to do anything but watch TV or play video games.

Solution:
Instead of saying,  “Would you like to (fill in the blank with any activity)?  The answer will often be, “No.”

Try this, “Now we are going to (fill in the blank with any activity.) or “Would you rather do  _____ or ______?”  Make sure both the choices are good options.
Your chances of co-operation are greatly increased. Even kids who are reluctant to try new things will usually get in the spirit of things and have fun if you pick a good activity.

Problem:
I don’t know what to do with school-age kids.

Solution:
Look for ideas online. Google “activities school-age kids” or “activities tweens”. You can also take part in an au pair webinar on this topic. Below is a list of some ideas to get you started.

  • Cooking
  • Making things (check craft stores like Michael’s for kits and models that are age-appropriate)
  • Going to fun places (pottery painting, jewelry making, farms, museums, mini-golf, go-karts)*
  • Sports (soccer, tennis, swimming, bicycling, roller skating, ice skating)*
  • Let them teach you to do something they enjoy. Kids this age love being the expert.
  • Get outdoors and visit local parks. You can even make a project of reviewing all the local parks (what kind of equipment they have, is there shade, water fountain?)  They can write this up and keep it so they remember which ones they want to go to again and which ones to skip in the future.
  • Let them help you search and plan some activities.
  • Check on the APIA Pinterest page and here on our cluster blog for ideas.
  • If you have a GPS, try taking them geocaching. Here is a website with all the details.
  • Use technology to get them off the couch and sneak in some exercise. The phone app Pokémon Go includes activities that are unlocked by taking steps. There are Pokéstops and gyms at many places they might enjoy going for walks like parks, nature trails, walk/bike paths, and downtown areas.

As part of Au Pair in America’s continuing education webinar series for au pairs , there is a session with advice on working with teens. Be on the lookout for the next time that topic is offered.

Three Ways for Au Pairs to Stay Red Cross Ready

Being knowledgeable in basic first aid and CPR is important for au pairs (or anyone else caring for children). Au Pair in America’s commitment to infant/child safety begins before au pairs arrive in the U.S., with pre-arrival training and continues throughout the au pair year.

#1 Training At Orientation

Our orientation training includes a course by the American Red Cross on infant/child CPR and safety. Additional child safety training covers a variety of aspects of child safety and cultural differences in common childcare practices.

#2 Enroll in a Red Cross Certification Class

After settling into their host community, all au pairs are encouraged to complete an Infant/Child CPR and First Aid certification program. Au Pair in America will pay for this training through the American Red Cross.

Classes are available through the Red Cross. Au Pair in America will pay for the cost of a class provided an au pair has at least six months left on their visa and is taking one of several approved childcare/child safety-related classes, such as Adult and Pediatric First Aid/CPR/AED. Au pairs should check with their community counselor and host family before signing up. Au Pair in America will register the au pair directly.

To locate a class, visit www.redcross.org/takeaclass. Email your counselor the link to the class you have selected and they will have Au Pair in America complete registration.

#3 Stay Current on Safety Information

The official American Red Cross First Aid app puts expert advice for everyday emergencies in your hand. Available for iPhone and Android devices, this app gives you instant access to the information you need to know to handle the most common first-aid emergencies. With videos, interactive quizzes, and simple step-by-step advice, it’s never been easier to know first aid. Download the app for free from the American Red Cross website or in your app store.

SMART Goals: A Guide for Au Pairs

The establishment of learning goals in early childhood education is crucial to ensuring that host children develop the cognitive, social, and emotional skills they need for success. But how is this done?  Are my host parents involved?  Where do I start?

Goal setting helps you and your host parents stay on the same page regarding the children’s growth. By using SMART goals—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—you can turn daily playtime into meaningful learning opportunities AND it offers you and your host parents another worthwhile way to connect.

1. Cognitive & Language Goals

Instead of just “playing,” focus on specific milestones that help the child’s brain develop.

  • Specific: Help the child recognize and name five colors during morning play.
  • Measurable: Identify at least three different shapes in a picture book twice a week.
  • Achievable: Practice the “ABC Song” together during bath time or car rides.
  • Relevant: Introduce three new vocabulary words related to the week’s theme (e.g., “garden,” “seed,” “flower”).
  • Time-bound: Aim for the child to master 10 new words by the end of the month.

2. Social-Emotional & Behavior Goals

Since you spend so much time in the home, you are the primary coach for the child’s social-emotional growth.

  • Specific: Practice “taking turns” with a favorite toy for 10 minutes daily.
  • Measurable: Use a sticker chart to track every time the child uses “please” and “thank you” without being reminded.
  • Achievable: Use role-play with dolls to practice expressing feelings like “I am sad” instead of crying.
  • Relevant: Help the child gain independence by teaching them to put their shoes on by themselves.
  • Time-bound: Observe a reduction in tantrums during transitions (like leaving the park) over a four-week period.

3. Motor Skills (Physical) Goals

Active play is a huge part of an au pair’s day. Use these goals to track physical milestones.

  • Specific: Practice using safety scissors to cut straight lines during craft time.
  • Measurable: Complete three “tracing” worksheets together per week to improve pencil grip.
  • Achievable: Practice jumping with both feet off the ground during outdoor play.
  • Relevant: Build hand-eye coordination by stacking a tower of 10 blocks.
  • Time-bound: Show improved coordination in “catching a ball” by the end of the summer.

How to Implement SMART Goals at Home

  1. Observe: Spend the first week watching what the child finds easy and what they struggle with.
  2. Collaborate: Share your observations with the parents. Ask, “Which of these areas should we focus on this month?”
  3. Keep a Log: Use a simple notebook or a shared app to write down small “wins” or challenges you noticed during the day.
  4. Be Flexible: Every child has “off” days. If a goal feels too hard, break it into even smaller steps.
  5. Celebrate: When the child reaches a goal, celebrate! A high-five, an extra bedtime story, or a “Great job!” goes a long way.

How to Set Boundaries with Kids as an Au Pair 

Many au pairs say one of the hardest parts of their job is managing kids’ behavior. Sometimes it feels like every day is a battle: constant negotiating, tantrums, and repeated arguments. This can be exhausting and discouraging—especially when it seems like nothing ever changes.

One big reason this happens is when kids don’t have clear limits and boundaries. Children actually feel safer and calmer when they know exactly what’s expected and what will happen if they don’t follow the rules. But setting boundaries isn’t something you can improvise in the middle of chaos—it requires being proactive, planning ahead, and sticking with your approach.

The good news? Boundary-setting is a skill you can learn and practice. Once you get comfortable with it, you’ll find that kids respect you more, there are fewer battles, and your time together becomes a lot more fun.

Why Kids Need Boundaries

As an au pair, you might feel bad about saying “no” or worry that the kids will dislike you if you’re strict. But in reality:

  • Kids want boundaries, even if they push against them.
  • Clear rules make kids feel safe and secure.
  • Boundaries make it easier for kids to know how to make you (and their parents) proud.
  • Consistent limits reduce anxiety and prevent power struggles.

Think of boundaries as showing kids: “I care about you enough to help you feel safe and in control.”

Be Proactive, Not Reactive

One of the biggest mistakes au pairs make is waiting until a problem happens to set a boundary. By then, emotions are high, and it’s harder to follow through. Instead, think ahead:

  • Plan routines in advance. Decide what the expectations are for meals, screen time, playtime, and bedtime.
  • Communicate rules before the situation starts. For example, talk about screen time limits before handing over the iPad, not after.
  • Practice consistency. If you let rules slide “just this once,” kids will learn that testing limits works.

Being proactive means, you’ll spend less time reacting to meltdowns and more time enjoying calmer days with the kids.

The 3 C’s of Boundaries

To make your limits effective, remember the 3 C’s:

  • Concrete – Be specific and clear.
  • Consistent – Stick to the rules every time.
  • Clear – Keep the rules simple so kids understand.

When you aren’t clear or consistent, you enter the “grey zone.” In this zone, kids don’t know what to expect, which leads to testing, whining, and tantrums.

Three Steps to Strong Boundaries as an Au Pair:

  1. Plan boundaries in advance – Don’t wait for problems. Think ahead about where you need limits and what you’ll say. Discuss possible consequences with your host family in advance so everyone is on board.
  2. Teach and repeat – Explain the rule to the child ahead of time and have them repeat it back so you know they understand.
  3. Follow through – Stick with the boundary every time so kids learn to trust your word.

Examples You Might Use:

Mealtime

If a child keeps leaving the table, don’t wait for dinner to turn into chaos. Instead, set the rule before the meal begins:

“From now on, when we’re eating, your bum needs to stay in your chair. If you get up, that means you’re done eating. The next time you eat will be the next meal.”

Have the child repeat the rule back, then calmly follow through every time.

Screen Time

If kids fight you every time the iPad needs to be turned off, plan a routine ahead of time:

“When the timer goes off, the device needs to be turned off. If you don’t turn it off, that means no device tomorrow.”

Again, explain this before screen time starts and repeat the rule consistently.

Homework

If kids resist doing homework, don’t wait until they’re distracted or overtired. Plan the rule in advance:

“Homework is finished before playtime. If homework isn’t done, play is postponed until tomorrow.”

Keep it short and clear, remind them ahead of time, and then stick with it every day so the expectation becomes routine.

Pro Tips for Au Pairs:

  • Think ahead about tricky situations and set rules before they happen.
  • Make sure rules are age-appropriate.
  • Be calm but firm. Kids respect confidence.
  • Avoid long lectures—short and clear rules work best.
  • Stick to routines—sleep, meals, and transitions are easier when predictable.
  • Model the behavior you expect. If you leave the table often, kids will too.

Why This Matters:

Setting proactive, fair, and consistent boundaries isn’t just about avoiding tantrums. It’s about building trust and respect between you and the kids. When kids know what to expect, they feel more secure—and you feel more confident in your role.

As an au pair, proactive boundary-setting helps you:

  • Prevent problems before they start
  • Create smoother daily routines
  • Avoid constant power struggles
  • Build mutual respect with the kids
  • Enjoy your time with them more

Remember: Boundaries aren’t about being “mean”—they’re about helping kids thrive. When you plan ahead, set clear expectations, and follow through, you’ll not only avoid daily battles but also build a stronger, happier relationship with the kids you care for.

Stopping for School Busses

With schools soon to be back in session, I want to remind everyone about the Washington, DC law that requires you to stop for school buses. Below you will find pictures explaining what to do on 4 different types of roads if you approach a school bus at a stop. If you have questions, please ask me or your host parents.

The rules regarding stopping for school buses are:

  • It is against the law to pass a stopped school bus while its lights are flashing and its’ stop arm is extended.
  • On undivided roadways, with no physical barrier or median, vehicles must stop on both sides of the roadway.
  • Yellow flashing lights indicate that the bus is preparing to load or unload children. Motorists should slow down and prepare to stop their vehicles.
  • Red flashing lights and extended stop arms indicate that the bus has stopped, and children are getting on or off. Motorists approaching from either direction must wait until the red lights stop flashing before proceeding.

Police, who observe a motorist failing to stop and remain stopped for a school bus, can issue the violator a citation which carries a $500 fine. There are also cameras on buses and the camera-generated fine is $500. Drivers failing to stop for pedestrians in a crosswalk can also be issued a citation. These fines are subject to change and could increase. I am sharing them for your information.

Hints to Help your Au Pair Match Flourish

Host parents have many responsibilities and are often very busy. Maintaining a good relationship with your au pair is essential and can prevent many potential issues. Below are a few simple things you can do to help your au pair match flourish.

Communication – Make time every couple of weeks for a check-in conversation. This provides your au pair a time to bring up questions or concerns which she may be hesitant to bring up when she sees how busy you are daily. It’s also a good time for discussing any concerns you have as well as planning for upcoming events or schedule changes.

I cannot emphasize enough how important these check-in conversations are, even after an au pair has been with a host family for months and into the extension year. Having these regular conversations says to your au pair that you care about how she is feeling and how things are going. It is an investment in keeping a match healthy and successful.

Treat Your Au Pair Like a Family Member – Au pairs who feel appreciated and included as a member of their host family tend to see their host children as family members and feel very invested in their happiness and success.

Stay on Top of Payments –  Au pairs can feel very uncomfortable if they need to ask for their weekly stipend payment. This can also make them feel their work is not appreciated or you are unconcerned about their needs. Add a recurring weekly event on your calendar, use payment apps or automatic bank transfers to schedule your au pair’s stipend payment, and give yourself one less thing to remember.

The same is true for their transportation costs to cluster meetings and classes. Au pairs let their host family know about the expenses but some host parents don’t always follow through and reimburse them. 

Creating Structure in your Child’s Day

In the whirlwind of a child’s life, they encounter constant change. Yet, amidst this flux, a child flourishes when there’s predictability—even if they may not always welcome it with open arms. By crafting a structured environment, such as establishing a routine, an au pair can foster a child’s sense of safety and stability, crucial for curbing behavioral issues.

Why Structure is Key

Introducing structure into a child’s day involves establishing a consistent routine. This might entail maintaining regular wake-up times, meal schedules, nap routines, and snack breaks.

Children benefit from rules and routines in numerous ways: understanding boundaries, learning self-discipline, navigating frustration and patience, and appropriately engaging with their surroundings.

Moreover, routines foster independence. Once a child grasps the sequence of tasks—like brushing teeth, getting dressed, having breakfast, and packing their school bag—you are spared the constant reminders, enabling the child to take charge of their morning routine confidently. This newfound independence bolsters the child’s self-esteem as they become adept at self-care.

Additionally, structured days tend to minimize behavioral issues. When a child knows what to expect, they’re less anxious and can concentrate on managing their behavior instead of fretting over uncertainties.

Establishing a Routine

For families with minimal structure in their daily routines, introducing changes gradually is advisable. Start by focusing on a specific time frame, perhaps the period between dinner and bedtime.

Identify tasks essential during this time, such as packing lunches, completing homework, bathing, reading bedtime stories, and lights out. Organize these activities in a logical sequence that suits the family’s dynamics.

Consider creating a visual aid, like a poster with task lists and accompanying photos, to facilitate the transition. Over time, children will become familiar with the routine, reducing the need for constant reminders.

Reminding the child to follow their routine and referring them to a visual chart reinforces their autonomy and accountability.

When drafting a routine, ensure it includes moments of bonding and enjoyment, such as story time or sharing daily experiences. It’s essential not to overlook these opportunities for family connection in the pursuit of adhering strictly to the routine.

Establishing House Rules

Structured living also entails implementing household rules. These rules should be clear, specific, and age-appropriate, covering areas like the use of art supplies or screen time regulations. Discuss this idea of structure with your host parents and create a plan that all of the adults in the home can adhere to. Discussing the consequences for rule violations helps children understand the repercussions of their actions, fostering accountability.

Flexibility in Adhering to Rules and Routine

Some of the most cherished memories in a child’s life stem from moments when routine is momentarily set aside for spontaneous fun, like staying up late to stargaze or playing games on a school night.

Parents, and au pairs alike, should exercise flexibility. When deviating from the norm, explain the rationale behind the deviation to the child, emphasizing its uniqueness as a special event. And of course, don’t forget about adjusting the household routine as the child matures. Rules and routines suitable for a toddler will require modifications to accommodate a grade schooler’s evolving needs.

Ultimately, instilling a sense of structure alleviates power struggles, fosters family organization, and nurtures the child’s sense of security and independence—a worthwhile outcome for your concerted effort invested over time.

Protecting Privacy & Personal Information Online

We live in a time of constant sharing through social media. We often share pictures, plans of somewhere we are going, or rants about problems, without thinking much about who will see it and what could be the consequences.

Before clicking “post”, stop to think:

  • Am I violating someone’s privacy?
  • Am I sharing personal information that could put me in danger?
  • Would I want my current or a future employer to see this?

This will help protect your privacy and safety as well as that of your host family. It is important to respect your host family’s privacy and not share personal details and information.  This applies to all kinds of situations, including personal conversations, email, and social websites.

For your own safety, it is a good idea to be careful what personal information you share about yourself as well. You should not give out information like your telephone number and address to people you don’t know. Safer to meet a new friend in a public place, than to give them your address before you know them.

Once you post something on the Internet (even if you later delete it), it can show up elsewhere.  Unless you have specific permission from your host family, you should never post pictures of them, their children, or their home on the Internet.

If you have a blog or website where you post in your native language, remember there is translation software. So, even if you say it in your native language, be sure it is not something that might be misinterpreted in translation or something you will regret saying.

Reminder: Use of your phone during work hours should be very limited, just checking for messages from your host parents. It is important that you are not distracted by your phone. Giving your full attention to work keeps your host children safe and helps you form a better relationship with them.

Create a Spring Break Game Plan

A “Game Plan” means a strategy for how you are going to accomplish something.  In the case of keeping kids from getting bored and/or into trouble, the best way to prevent it is to keep them busy with safe, fun activities.

When there are days home from school, letting kids sit around watching TV or playing video games is not the best use of their time.  Providing fun alternatives will make it much easier to pull them away from the screen.

You need to make a plan of what you will do with them each day and prepare for that. Planning is very important.  You don’t want to tell them you are going someplace fun, only to arrive there and see they are not open that day or you need to bring something and you don’t have it.

If your plan includes a craft or cooking project, make sure you have:

  • All the ingredients/supplies
  • Recipe/directions

If your plan includes an outing to someplace fun, figure out:

  • How will you get there?
  • When you should leave?
  • How much it will cost?
  • What will you do for lunch?

This local kids website also highlights many different child friendly activities around town. Have fun!!

Making Plans for Future Travel

Sometimes in the first few months after arrival, au pairs are still getting settled and making friends and not yet traveling very much. Believe it or not a year flies by faster than you think! These early months can be a great time to set goals, research places to go and make plans.

What can you do right now? Research and figure out where you want to go and what things you want to see and do there. Being a spontaneous traveler can be fun, but without planning you will often waste some of your precious vacation or weekend time figuring out things you could have looked into before you started your trip.

These ideas are to help you make general plans. You shouldn’t book any tickets or make any financial commitments until you discuss your vacation time with your host parents.

Planning can help you:

  • Save money
  • Make the best use of your time
  • Fit in more adventures
  • Visit places you might not have heard of before

It also extends the joy of the travel time. Making plans like this can help reduce homesickness by giving you things to look forward to and reminding you of why you came to the U.S. in the first place. You have many adventures ahead of you!

If you are looking for travel inspiration and ideas or a place to keep your travel ideas organized, Pinterest is a great place to start. You can browse other people’s travel and bucket list pinboards. You can create your own pinboards for places you want to go and ones you have already visited.

These three apps are all trip planners and offer the ability to research places and create your own itinerary. Each one has its own look and feel and slightly different features. Download them and see which one is the best fit for you.

Road trips can be the ultimate adventure. You set your own pace and stop to see what you want. The journey can be as much fun as your destination.

  • Road Trippers is an app that helps you plan the ultimate road trip. It helps you determine your route and find interesting stops along the way.
  • Atlas Obscura has lots of unusual places to visit all over the world.

Make plans to get the most out of your au pair year!

Photo: Natacha R. from France