Tag Archives: host family

Host Family Hints for Success: Better Communication

Au pairs often reach out to me to discuss concerns they have. The first question I always ask is whether they have brought it up to their host parents yet. The answer is normally no. I suggest to them to bring it up at their next routine check-in meeting with their host parents, because host parents can’t help with problems they don’t know about. A surprising number of au pairs tell me that they have no such check-in meetings with their host parents and many say they never even had them in the beginning of the match. 

A lot of communication takes place via text. It is difficult to understand the intended tone of text messages and this can lead to miscommunications. This is especially true when you add in the fact that English is not the first language of most au pairs. There are subtle nuances in language that have positive and negative connotations and it takes many years to learn those things. When speaking face to face, we can see someone’s facial expressions and body language and that helps us understand what they are trying to communicate.

I realize many host parents have demanding jobs and are stretched thin, but these check-in conversations are important for a successful match. The biggest thing is putting that time on the calendar and sticking with it.

With au pairs living in their host family’s home and in many instances having two host parents, they often feel outnumbered and powerless. Many au pairs have a very hard time bringing up concerns to their host parents. And when host parents don’t ask how an au pair is feeling or how things are going, they often think the host parents don’t want to know. 

Why is it important to create this open communication environment?

  • Good communication strengthens your relationship with your au pair. 
  • It tells your au pair that her feelings, wants, and needs matter to you.
  • It’s easier to address problems when they are small.
  • It creates a less stressful/awkward environment in the home.
  • It reduces the chances of a rematch.

Bonus Tip: If you cannot say yes to an au pair’s request or need to ask them to deviate from their normal schedule or duties, it’s always a good idea to give a brief explanation. Without any context these kind of situations can lead to assumptions and hard feelings, when there may have been a simple, reasonable explanation. 

Image: John Benson (Flickr)

Host Family Hints to Help Your Au Pair Match Flourish

Host parents have many responsibilities and are often very busy. Hosting an au pair can provide help with a large part of the childcare related responsibilities. Below are a few simple things you can do to help your au pair match flourish.

Treat Your Au Pair Like a Family Member – Au pairs who feel appreciated and included as a member of their host family tend to see their host children as family members and feel very invested in their happiness and success.

Stay on Top of Payments –  Au pairs can feel very uncomfortable if they need to ask for their weekly stipend payment. This can also make them feel like their work is not appreciated or you are unconcerned about their needs. Add a recurring weekly event on your calendar, use payment apps or automatic bank transfer to schedule your au pair’s stipend payment and give yourself one less thing to remember.

The same is true for their transportation costs to cluster meetings and classes. Au pairs let their host family know about the costs but some host parents don’t always follow through and reimburse them. Here’s a blog post with information and tips on how to handle transportation costs.

Communication – Make time every couple of weeks for a check-in conversation. This provides your au pair a time to bring up questions or concerns which she may be hesitant to bring up when she see’s how busy you are day to day. It’s also a good time for discussing any concerns you have as well as planning for upcoming events or schedule changes. 

Photo: Shared by an APIA Host Family

 

Making Thanksgiving Memories Together

Thanksgiving is a public holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November every year in the United States. It started as a harvest festival and has been celebrated nationally on and off since 1789.  The most important part of Thanksgiving for American families is to spend family time together.

Martin Cathrae

 “My favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. Firstly, it was my first holiday with the whole family in America. Secondly, the whole family came together. All aunts and uncles and their kids came to grandma’s. We played football with all of them, including grandma and grandpa. It was the first time I played it and it was so much fun for all. We had a great dinner with all the typical things you can imagine … it was deeeelicious! It was so great to be with such a big family and I really enjoyed that day. I will remember it my whole life, I hope.” – Swantje from Germany

Here are a few tips to help you have a terrific Thanksgiving experience.

Host Parents
Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration, if at all possible. If you are traveling or will not be able to invite your au pair to join you for Thanksgiving, give her plenty of notice and help her make alternate plans. You don’t want to leave your au pair alone over the holiday.

Au Pairs
If you are invited to attend dinner, please let your family know within 5 days of the invitation, whether you are planning to attend, so they may make plans. If your host family is unable to include you in their Thanksgiving plans, please let me know if you have trouble making other plans, so I can assist.

Make sure to discuss time off during this holiday weekend. Many host families work the Friday after Thanksgiving so do not assume you have this day off or the entire weekend. Talk to your host family, BEFORE you make any plans.

Bonus Tip for the Kids
If you are looking for a fun recipe to make with your au pair, check out these turkey cookies. Find more fun activities and recipes on the Au Pair in America Fall Holidays pinboard.

 

Five Thanksgiving Tips for Host Parents and Au Pairs

Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November each year. Based on the Pilgrims’ harvest meal in 1621, Thanksgiving was proclaimed a national holiday by President Abraham Lincoln during the 1860s. You can learn more about the holiday here.

Even though a few other countries also celebrate Thanksgiving, it’s still considered a uniquely American holiday ~ one that the au pairs look forward to experiencing.

“I really enjoyed Thanksgiving with my host family. It was as I imagined! So much food to try. Everyone got dressed up and shared what they were thankful for. It was so warm and special. The next day we began to prepare for Christmas. It was magical.” – Selina from Germany

Here are some tips to help you have a terrific Thanksgiving experience: 

Host Parents

1.  Please plan to include your au pair in your Thanksgiving celebration, if at all possible. Thanksgiving with an au pair offers an opportunity to consider the relevance of the history and meaning of Thanksgiving as you compare the hospitality offered by the Native Americans to the recently arrived Pilgrims and the hospitality you offer your au pair.

2.  If you are traveling or will not be able to invite your au pair to join you for Thanksgiving, give her plenty of notice and help her make alternate plans. You don’t want to leave your au pair alone over the holiday.

Au Pairs

3.  If you are invited to attend dinner, please let your family know within 5 days of the invitation, whether you are planning to attend. It is considered rude in America to accept the invitation for dinner and then change your mind later in the month. Please be thoughtful.

4.  Make sure to discuss time off during this holiday weekend. Many host families work the Friday after Thanksgiving so do not assume you have this day off or the entire weekend. Talk to your host family BEFORE you make any plans.

5.  If your host family is unable to include you in their Thanksgiving plans, please let me know if you have trouble making other plans. You may be able to join a friend and their host family for the holiday dinner.

Bonus Tip for the Kids

Click on this infographic to see a larger version.

If you are looking for a fun recipe to make with your au pair, check out these turkey cupcakes.

Find more fun activities and recipes on the Au Pair in America Fall Holidays pinboard.

5 Thanksgiving Tips for Au Pairs and Host Parents

Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November each year. Even though a few other countries also celebrate Thanksgiving, it’s still considered a uniquely American holiday, one that the au pairs look forward to experiencing. You can learn more about it here.  Continue reading →

May Host Family Tips

Illustration: www.onewaystock.com (Flickr)

Illustration: www.onewaystock.com (Flickr)

Several host families have asked me to share more about our experience as host parents. Of course every day is different and no two host families or au pairs are alike, but here are some ways we have found to successfully communicate with our au pairs.

1. Weekly meetings: We meet every Sunday evening with our AP to discuss schedules, the children’s behavior, and other issues. This helps my husband and me communicate as well, so we think it’s important for both host parents to attend these meetings. (We’ve also had meetings during the work week with my husband using Facetime from his office.) 

2. Schedule: We use the weekly meeting to go over the upcoming week’s schedule and discuss future changes (vacations, etc.). An online calendar is critical for our planning purposes. Cozi works for us, but Google Calendar is great too. We schedule everything online for the kids- school drop-off and pick-up, playdates, haircuts, doctors’ appointments, etc. All 3 of us can access the calendar and know who is responsible for each event.

3. Texting: I work from home, and it’s easier if my kids don’t see me during the day, so my AP and I text a lot with each other. For example, if I need a snack, I’ll send our AP a text and give her time to take the kids to the basement or outside before heading to the kitchen.

4. Compliments: We use our meetings to compliment our au pair on areas we’ve found her to be particularly successful (even the smallest thing). This is really helpful when we need to address an issue that isn’t as positive. 

5. Rewards: We look for ways to surprise our AP. Has she been great about entertaining the kids during a snow day? Did she soldier through a bad round of strep throat? Do we know she’s excited to see an upcoming movie? Starbucks gift cards, pedicure gift certificates, and movie gift cards go a long way to helping an AP feel appreciated and loved. (You can find discounted movie and restaurant gift cards at Costco.)

For more ideas, check out the  Tips for Current Host Families on the APIA website.